Why So Angry?

Let me just start by saying that I think people need to stop assuming one is angry all the fucking time. There’s a serious difference between anger and frustration. Me getting pissy because a large group of people are being rude to other customers and the cashier at a fast food joint.

Yeah. That was anger. Because I can’t stand that shit in general. It’s rude! Not the first time I’ve mentioned it either! To top it off I was trying to hurry up and get food for my mom. When she has a craving for food I do my damndest to get that craving met. She doesn’t eat much anymore and her mouth is sensitive to some foods. #FuckCancer

On a regular basis I’m fucking frustrated, sad, helpless, confused and when I get a moment grieving.

Don’t come at me like you care with your higher than thou positive energy enlightened bullshit.

You noticed one negative post. One. Yeah. I scrolled through my own Facebook to reassure myself that I’ve been really fucking positive throughout my mom being sick.

Sorry. Not sick. Dying.

You care, right? So, it’s safe to assume you know this.

Fuck you and your fake ass friendship. Nothing irritates me more when someone suddenly acts like they give a damn solely from one post! We’ve not spoken before? You care? Ok. Did you notice the Mom updates peppered on my newsfeed? No. You tried your hardest to spot a negative post for the day to sprinkle your crazy hippie bullshit.

I didn’t ask for your advice. My frustration mentioned in said post was warranted. Most, if not all, unpredictable feelings are valid. Trust. I’ve asked around.

You don’t know me. Don’t care. So stop. Yes. Deleted and blocked.

And that’s where I stand as of late. You’re not paying attention but wanna put your two wooden pennies in my ear. Buh bye.

I don’t have time nor the patience. I don’t care. I don’t care to say these words over and over because you’re all of the sudden paying attention, “My mom is dying.”

I’ve been here almost a year. I’ve asked for nothing. I’ve been patient and understanding to all the bullshit that has been thrown at me.

Everyone has a breaking point.

I’m watching the most influential person in my life die. Very slowly. I’m taking care of her. Grieving and putting up with family bullshit or drama alone. And I’ve had nothing but crappy attitudes since I got here from those who claim we’re all so awesome and can get through anything together.

Nope just me.

As I figured it would be. Not shocked. I wanted to be shocked.

This situation. Me helping my mother alone. Coping alone. Is the straw that broke the camels back regarding my feelings towards family.

Don’t argue with me as to who I consider family in my adult life. Sometimes, it happens, that family isn’t blood at all. I’ve lived chunks of my life dealing with that.

This ordeal validates those chunks mentioned above.

Dying. My mother is dying. Let’s discuss how fucking positive I’ve been striving for, how much patience I’ve kept together considering everything that is or isn’t mentioned in this here post! Because it’s a lot!

Does this post seem angry to you? Good.

Because this. These words are fuming.