I have always had an issue with the term partner. It is each couples choice what they prefer to call each other when referring to their spouse. I have my own reasons, justified or not, as to why I don’t like it.
Ultimately, it has to do with the business contract that is your marriage license. Even though, I’m totally aware that this term is shortened from life-partner. I like that. You’re a team going through life’s struggles together. Experiencing the joys and sorrows together. The complete term, life-partner, is most accurate. However, we like to shorten our speech. Partner is quicker to say.
I’ve heard a number of lesbians various merging lesbian with husband for their masculine identified lover. Some have been creative or clever where others are so far out you’re opening another conversation to explain what or who you are talking about. Because nobody outside your marriage knows what that term is. Especially, outside the LGBTQ community.
Pass. I’d rather not.
I had referred to my ex as hubby. That term worked for us or me anyway. She was butch and it was such heteronormative relationship. Very 1950’s.
So, I can certainly see how some butch/femme relationships would still cling onto the husband/wife mashup. A lot of of my experience with butches has been this dominant figure in the house. The fixer, desire to be breadwinner and taking care of femme. Which appears sweet.
But I found doesn’t work for me, personally. My single life was a struggle to find some kind of balance and equality being with a butch. A butch to realize that I’m not some lost and damsel in distress femme. It was a struggle for butches to deal with the fact that I didn’t not wouldn’t ever need them. And any butch that said that while I was dating gave me the big alarm to stop seeing them.
I found my equal. I call her my wife. Grizzly is my butch who doesn’t make me feel less than because I am femme. Cooking and cleaning and working is not a set job for either of us. I’ll admit she does laundry knowing that is my most hated chore! But, we share these tasks without any conflict. I’ve had tough days at work and come home to warm meal she has planned perfectly to the hour I get home. We both work, both stress, both clean, drive and plan outings for each other.
In the old days, husband was a term to describe a man. And a man was the dominant figure of the home. The wife was subservient to her husband.
Times have changed. Thank God!
However, that is the underlying connotation I have with husband/wife. Dominate and submissive without the fun of whips and chains. The woman or femme was less-than. Personally, I’m not comfortable with that.
I don’t care to associate those labels with Grizzly. I don’t feel like her little lady at home. She knows the struggles being female, she understands my feminist ideals. She’s aware that I’m not weak and would never treat me as such. She knows that we are both strong and compassionate. We both can handle anything that comes our way in our own ways.
She is a female identified butch and my equal.