Do you believe in fate?
That I do. Absolutely. I think there are all these tiny, little things that happen in our lives. Be it good or bad; they happen for a reason. For every stupid little decision there is an underlined reason.
Thus, I believe in consequence. Cause and effect. I don’t think that it’s all some coincidence that we end up in the places we get in. I don’t think people just randomly appear out of nowhere for nothing. Somewhere along the long line of life a purpose was drawn out.
I was brought up a certain way and lived through different experiences in my childhood. Which might not have been ideal for some. But, it all seemed to work out. My teenage years, could be a questionable time. And again, it seemed to work for me. Furthermore, for adulthood. Maybe not the ways or routes some would choose. But, I’m alive, I’ve learned. I’ve gained. For the good, the bad, all of it. I’m where I am and the person I am now because I went through it all.
I think there are paths we travel with rocks and bumps in that path to prepare us for what’s to come. To excite us for what could be. For us to reach whatever our purpose. We have to learn from those bumps and rocks. Eventually, realize not to step on that rock but around it.
Relationships, I think are our best examples of fate. We may take something of a learning experience from those exes or you make the choice to just assume that ex was a complete douche. Learning nothing from it. Gaining nothing from the experience only to find yourself with another complete douche. Keeping stepping on that same rock.
I had a best friend while I was with Ex-Hubby. I met her right around the time I met Ex-Hubby. Saw many ups and downs. Heartache wine nights. Fight Club quotes on cue. Ex-Hubby and I broke up. We’re no longer friends. Naturally, a chain of events took place that resulted in dissolving that friendship.
As time went on. And the lesbian community is so small. I gathered that we would have eventually lost that friendship at some point after my break up. While, it sucked loosing that friend. I also came to the conclusion that she was meant me for that time in my life. Perhaps, vice versa. I’ve moved on and have made new friends since. Are they permanent? Of course, we always like to hope. But, it doesn’t always happen. For whatever reason. We may find out later. But, I don’t doubt there is a reason.
I want to make it clear that “everything happens for a reason” does not imply that one can go making rash decisions thinking, “Oh! It’ll work itself out whatever I choose to do. So, I’ll go be a royal asshole.” When I say that it all works out at some point. It in no way means that process is a positive route. Cause and effect. It is only after we realize and learn from those bumps do we gain. We make some necessary mistakes, realize, learn and the route becomes less scary. Positive. They are natural and conscious decisions. If not, sometimes a guttural pull.
If we pay attention to what is going on in our lives and stop focusing on the who’s. We can realize the why’s and how they happened. Learn how to avoid it from happening. The who is typically a tool. A who brought out the hows and whys for you to discover. Who is your friend, lover or family member. Real basic, a co-worker?
I learned what I didn’t want in my next relationship. I realized what I couldn’t handle. I discovered the little flags we like to ignore when dating.
I remember as a kid those simple words, “Where are you gonna go?” or “Who you gonna call?” and so on. During an argument these are controlling questions. I never knew that when I was a kid. I didn’t understand why the women in my childhood would switch from this angry person to complete control and total determination.
“Don’t you ever say those words to me. Ever.” And leave.
Until I lived it. A couple of times. Until I was able to learn from those who asked those questions. I gained a bit from those controlling relationships. I learned what I absolutely don’t want. The dates, I went on told me exactly who they were from the first sip of coffee, cut of steak or phone call. Did they like my decision making process? Ha. No. Their reactions solidified my rejecting them. Knowing my experiences taught me to make better decisions. For me and my life. For my path. For me to keep going in a positive direction for me.
I prefer natural and gut decisions. If you’re pressured to answer anything it’s probably not conducive to your path. Some force or pull nudges at you.
There are people who feel that they don’t have a gut feeling about things. Sweetie, you’re not paying attention. You’re still learning a few things. If you’re saying that your gut or heart is telling you anything but you know something if, “off.” That’s your nudge, heart, gut. Whatever you choose to call it. 😉