The Decision Isn’t Yours


While I might appreciate whatever sentiment is behind a friend or family member making this statement. I don’t like it.

At all.

“Your girlfriend isn’t right for you.”

“I don’t think she’s a good fit.”

It’s just not wise. I’m not sure what the purpose of saying such things are anyway. Some exceptions could be, of course, if said girlfriend were abusive and/or cheating. However, if you’re happy. Why would anyone say such a thing?

Especially irks my nerve when this is followed by, “I know you.” Extremely so when that person, in fact, doesn’t really know you.

As a family member. I’m sorry. You only know me as a sibling, daughter or cousin. Something along those lines. You don’t really know me as a friend. Unless, you’re in some incestious cult, your family member doesn’t know you as a lover. In that case, ew. That family of yours knows you as a baby or a pest or someone who burnt ants in the backyard.

They couldn’t possibly fathom your idea of love. Your needs in a lover. You wants.

Friends. Most of my friends who truly know me would never say such a thing. Ever. They might request some reassurance if this lover of mine is truly someone I want. Who truly makes me happy. But, they would not and have not ever said that someone isn’t right for me. It’s not up to them. They’re quite aware that I’m going to do, date, fuck, say whatever I want. Whenever I want. However I want. So, those who truly know me. Know this.

Your friends are just that. Friends. You may vent to them. They may offer advice. Without telling you what to do. Unless they are protecting you from some sort real danger. I don’t mean Dyke Drama Danger. I mean a real life threatening type of danger.

Again. They don’t know you as a lover. Unless, that friend is your ex. Which is pretty damn common among lesbians. But, she still can’t tell you who is right for you. All she really knows is that she isn’t right for you. It’s either that or she still thinks she’s right for you. Hmm.

As a friend. That’s not your choice. Not your decision as to who is right for who unless you’re making that choice for yourself.

When this sort of statement is said. It’s quite offensive. It’s offensive to the person you’re saying it to! One, you’re basically saying they ain’t grown. You’re implying that your friend or family member isn’t capable of making decisions on their own. I’m sorry. Is this person committed to an insane asylum? Are they under supervision?

Oh. They are? Hmm..ok. They might need a little help in making decisions..I kid!

You’re offending their person. Their lover. The one they chose. And who chose them. You’re flat out disrespecting both people in this coupledom!

What are you even saying about their lover? Seriously. Just what exactly are you trying to say?

When there’s no answer? In my experience. There usually isn’t a direct answer. It’s typically, “They’re just not for you.” It’s best to tell that person to shut the fuck up. Clearly, they haven’t formed a real opinion. Haven’t formed a complete thought on the matter. They really don’t know you. Really don’t know your new lover.

It’s obviously shit falling out of their mouth for nothing. Just to say something.

When it’s butch saying this to a femme as friends? I have to wonder if this comment is just a way for a butch to suggest themselves as the better option. And vice versa if femme says this to butch.

Think about it.


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