After a lot of back and forth. Analyzing our relationship as best friends. Fears of loosing a best friend.
Oh the what if’s?
Are you willing to risk this friendship for a possibility?
Now that feelings for each other have been exchanged. Can you
go back to what you were? How you were?
When I envisioned myself as her roommate, I thought of bringing dates home and finding some excuse to end them. Crush disapproving. Them uncomfortable with our friendship. I know. Sounds so dumb. And a waste of everyone’s emotions and time.
Why would you do that?
Because, I’m still single. I don’t believe in waiting around. If a butch wants me then she’ll say so. Especially if I have come out to her. What else am I supposed to do? Wait around for a possibility?
I wanted to risk it. I figured. I trusted and believed that our friendship was solid.
Much consideration and conversation later…We became a couple.
This might sound a little cliche. Our chests were so full it hurt! It felt amazing to say, “I love you.” Without saying it one way and meaning another. Falling asleep on the phone or Skype. Post phone solitary indulgence fulfilled with her voice on the other end.
A burst of energy coursed through my veins. A weight lifted.
When I shared this news with my close friends. Not a one was shocked. At all.
It is possible to be just friends. Hello! We did it for 3yrs!
“Not the way or how often y’all talk!” Was the common retort.
So. There it was. We were best friends. Who became long distance lovers…Planning to be roommates…Er..Lesbian Live In Girlfriends?
It was feeling pretty darn good. Either direction we went through this drama. I still had plans to visit, move there and be roommates with my best friend. I just had a process to go through. Yes. That process sucked ass. But, it is my way. And while I don’t condone my way. It is mine.
So, while Crush has known all my secrets. Has heard my rants and raves. Has experienced me. All of me during our friendship. She’s getting another piece of me. A vulnerable side of me that terrifies me most. I’ll risk it. But, it scares the fuck out of me. Which is why all the over analyzing everything. We both wanted to be absolutely sure this is the direction we wanted to jump.
I’ve had this castle. With incredibly high and thick walls. I’ve let her roam through the hallways. Walking by this door with a little light, wind breezing under the door. She’s always been able to hang around but not go inside. And now she’s in. She can prop her feet up and chill. Lol! And she does.