No. I’m not talking about Candy Crush here. >.<
I remember awhile back in my early single days I was talking to this butch, Cowboi. It didn’t really get anywhere. Which I suspected. I wasn’t really looking for anything and neither was she. Just some fun. She pointed out that I crushed on her.
I was crushing on her. Though, I crush on many in different ways.
Where it goes from there? I let fate or my own boldness decide. Sometimes, I feel the urge to make a move and say, “Hello.” Fate. And other times, I just out right do it. Because why the fuck not? Boldness.
I was crushing on Cowboi because she was incredibly attractive. There was an air of confidence that drew me instantly. A bit of a smartass…
These are simple things, yes. It was mostly looks and her sexy phone voice. Superficial little crush. An outward appearance. Not really getting to know each other for anything serious. No intentions of this crush being more than just that. A crush. From a distance, even.
I believe that there are different levels of crushes. Which steps one takes determines the level. It’s like the very beginning of a relationship. There are several layers to your relationships that are constantly unfolding as the time passes. Which always intrigues me. There are levels for your crushes too. Levels for your dating. More so the further ya go.
One’s physical appearance, voice, the way they walk are all physical crushes. Something outwardly draws you in. I’ve crushed on butches before just for these things alone. Some I’ve gotten to know and the crush is still purely physical. And I’d rather politely cover their mouth with duct tape. 😉
Let’s say you do get to talking? Y’all flow in chatter with ease. Agree on much and disagree very little. When caught in disagreeable air? Y’all hash it out or agree to disagree. 🙂 You’ve bonded on another level beyond the physical. Though it may still be in the crush stage.
When it goes beyond a crush? You’re either dating or in a full on committed relationship. Simple, right? *Muwah* Love you, Bunny Cakes or some other gag worthy pet name.
When the crush sits still? Depending on which level you’re on, anyway. You stay at the physical crush level. Admire their ass in those jeans. Tingle a bit when they walk by. A silent, secret admirer. Creeper…
Or if you’ve decided to move onto talking while you’ve been crushing? You’ve found that the crush doesn’t feel the same way? You move on to another possibility. Or you’ve become a different relationship than what you had expected.
I admitted to crushing on Crush. It was understandably not returned and we’re best friends.
The crush sit still. We kept talking. Now, she’s like this butch brother I can share anything with! I wouldn’t ruin the friendship we have.
Seriously, femmes. We should have more butch brothers than hooking up with every one we think is hot! Incredibly helpful!
Am I making sense though? It’s not something I’ve ever explained before. Not even to myself, thoroughly. Forgive the confusion..
I have switches that might help guide me through my crushes, maybe. I can switch between wanting a FWB or a serious relationship. I’m human and have urges. So, I know if what I want is simply that or do I actually want to put effort into a committed love fest. Love sounds great, in theory. Yet, it is work. A conscious effort which I’m not always a hundred percent sure I’m prepared for.
So, I crush. I like my crushes. No matter how physical or in depth they come to me. When you’re single? There isn’t anyone home for you to admire.
If I may unleash some sentimental fuzziness? What I miss most while being in a relationship are the little glances at each other from across the room. Watching her think or read. Or work on something.
Crushing. It’s like these little bits and pieces of a relationship. Watching a butch drive with one hand on the wheel of the steering wheel while I’m sitting in Houston traffic. Or while out? Just a butch looking sharp in a button down with slacks!
I do have one major thing. That I find pretty funny. When I find that butch is taken? If I’ve crushed on her? Her hot points literally get tossed. Another switch, maybe?
In general, crushes are just friggin’ funny. Honestly. And here I am trying to decipher the silliness of it all. Ha!
I haven’t always been such a fan of crushes. You’re hot. I want you. Done. It’s out there. She thinks I’m pretty awesome too? Sweet! It’s on!
Age might have changed this thought process. Age and marriage. Getting down to my real nitty-gritty of my wants and needs as a couple. So, crushes, I’ve learned have different levels.