While wondering the streets of the French Quarter we happened to notice shinny bricks beneath our feet and realized it was glitter. It was perfectly scattered as if to lure you in to the Magic Glass. The store appeared homely and welcoming. Even for one who avoids certain Craft shops…or all Craft shops. Pentagrams, zodiac and voodoo touches all around me as I scope the place out.
One of the girls I was with was desperate for a tarot reading while in New Orleans. That’s the sort of the thing to do there, don’t ya think? Voodoo, Tarot, palm reading and any other supernatural practice one can think of. NOLA is the place. The wicked mecca of the states!
The one that wanted the reading obviously went first. Myself and the other friend didn’t want to do it. We were only there for moral support. Well, then the reader, Richard, hit her reading like a nail on the head. Had us all in tears because we knew the entire story and it was just unbelievable. The other girl and myself got suckered in.
Richard from Magic Glass is a triple Cancer bear of a New England gay man! He was awesome! Once we got settled into our seats for the reading he immediately asked me how the community was in Texas? All of us a little confused..though I had my suspicions as to what he was referring to. My gaydar pinged on him as soon as we met. However, it doesn’t usually click for me and other homos. So, I didn’t think he knew me as being a lesbian. The initial impression is that I’m a straight woman. Naturally, the community remark was amiss.
Once my friend’s reading was complete and we were all sniffling over napkins. The other girl and I scurried back into the actual store to pay for our reading. Mine being an extra $9 because I was using a card? WTF? Ah well. Worth it!
The moment I sat down he knew what my animal was gunna be. I’m a Bear. Saying that I come off all hard and aggressive but I’m actually nurturing. I don’t share it nor welcome it but that I’m exhausted.
“Aren’t you exhausted? Tired of being strong all the time?” He asked.
“Yes. Of course.” I started laughing. Then he mentioned that I cover up a lot with laughter and sarcasm.
Forgive me for not remembering all the cards specifically and only remembering what he said. He mentioned that I have put up walls and that I can’t trust anyone. That I scoff at the idea of love and an ever after but still hope for it. However, deep down I don’t believe that it exist. At least not for me.
Hush your fucking mouth!
That I don’t like being vulnerable because it is a sign of weakness and letting someone in.
Sidenote: I am the one that doesn’t like being vulnerable. To me, for me it is a sign of weakness. It’s opening a floodgate of possibly ways for one to hurt and use me. It’s odd because I don’t see that for other people. I admire other’s ability to be vulnerable.
He said that I’ve been hurt so bad in a past relationship and don’t want to feel that vulnerable again only to be hurt. He mentioned that I’m very go with a flow and everything happens for a reason. However, I don’t like to feel out of control. He mentioned that when I’m done with someone. That’s it. Drop everything and out. They never existed. And that I like to beat them to the punch. I’m leaving before you tell me to.
Yes. Yes. And fuck you! LOL!
My friends laughed when Richard said that Cancers are the worst to have a break up with. That we always keep coming back. Um. It was the ex that was always trying to keep us going. Which they nodded. It was the truth. I packed up and was ready to be done. She’d keep calling and asking me to come back home. The place was never my home. He said, that when I’m done with another. I’m done.
He said that I carry someone else’s burden and that I need to stop. Saying that I’m there for everyone and never believe that anyone will ever be there for me.
Almost in tears by now.
I asked about my step mother. She’s in remission from Stage 4 breast cancer and I just wanted to know how she is doing. He said the cards tell him that she has a new and very positive take on life. You’d never know that anything was ever wrong. I nodded. That’s my step mom.
I asked about my love life. Cliche I know. Don’t judge!
Shuffling the cards. I sort of knew the answer. He said that I carry around a lot of guilt from a previous long lasting relationship.
Hmpf! Go figure.
Get rid of the guilt. It’s over. He said that I scoff at those that are falling in love and don’t believe in it pertaining to me. Yet, I still have this little bit of hope. That’s the kicker. He said that he sees a lot of flings for me. Yes. I think we all notice that. And a lot of sex. He said that I flirt but the second someone shows more interest in me that I want to run.
He mentioned that there is someone watching everything happening to me. That this person is observing everything I’m doing.
Gosh! I wonder who that could be?
Tearing up and getting goosebumps.
He looked at me real serious. You need to embrace your vulnerable and nurturing side. Ya gotta knock down those walls. He said that I have this list or ideal that if a person doesn’t fit that list then that’s it. And I drop them. Funny that, Sir. I have been working on my prospective butch list. There are certain items that I mentally scratch off with a butch. He said that I’ll be there for people but do not think that they’ll be there for me. Yep. It’s been proven one too many times. Naturally.
I asked him about my staying in Texas. One of my friends asked, “Why are you trying to leave Texas so badly?”
I’d like to go elsewhere. I’ve been here my entire life! If not move out of Texas then at least out of this city.
He told me that I could do so. I have the ability but I make excuses not to. Hmm…yea. Job is the big one! He mentioned that I’d miss home a lot. Being away from family and friends that I’ve known for so many years could be problematic for me. But, it’s doable for me to leave. That I’d be just fine leaving.
After my reading, tissues in hand I was ready for a fucking drink. We left the place saying the reader fucking sucks. The lady at the desk said that everyone says that.
Outside we were just awestruck by the entire thing. How did he know about my having this long lasting relationship that has my heart sealed up and guilty? How did he know about my friend’s divorce? I told my friends that I knew all of that stuff about me but didn’t want anyone else to!
How about this vulnerability, y’all?
The pain in my chest wouldn’t go away after sharing a cup of alcohol filled cherries and a Hand Grenade. I was more buzzed than I wanted to be. Giving every bit of strength I had to keep my mouth shut about the pain I was feeling among my friends because mine wasn’t as dramatic as theirs. They have kids and lovers with their readings. I texted the watcher instead. *Snicker* But, she just wanted me to go have fun in NOLA.
I’ve been told that I have walls around my heart years ago by a palm reader. It’s lonely. But, it’s very safe and there’s my Cancer side. I like to feel safe.