Boss Complications

aug2009 fbb esquire2

 

I’m not sure if I’d call this a fault or not?

I enjoy having a bunch of different people in my life. Sometimes those I’m not too fond of simply for their perspectives on things. I’ve found myself agreeing with some people I don’t really care for. And I’ve disagreed with my best friends. I like people. They intrigue me. They upset me and amuse me.

I say fucked up shit just to see what one will say or do. How they’ll react. I try not to predict because you never really know. Those that seem to make the best of promises have also been known to fuck you up in the same sentence.

Boss. Where do I begin my unfortunate habit with her?

As an acquaintance things are awesome. I chill with her and her friends. Like kickin’ it with the bois and their flirtations with the bartenders. All in good fun. Yes. We have fucked a few times and we’re that cut and dry about it. Drinks and an occasional fuck.

I’ve been known to rush over to the next beer hang out on an empty tank of gas, sitting in 5 o’clock traffic on 610!!!

DUMB!

I’ve been in this place before. What the hell am I doing? Running around for another fucking butch that wouldn’t ever do the same for me.

I know, I’ve mentioned it before. That I’ll quit Boss.

She was supposed to get together with me and my family not too long ago. Didn’t happen. Couldn’t make it out for a few beers with the fam?

When I went to hang out with the boi from She’s Not My Type? Boss had stated that she was going to go have a few beers. Expecting me to meet up with her.

Uh..no. She keeps making these plans with me and I’m loosing interest at the constant let downs.

She’s a temporary high. The arms around your waist while out on the town. An occasional kiss or flirt. Making me feel less alone. We probably make each other feel less alone.

I think, I’m finally reaching a point in single hood where I don’t care to feel less alone anymore. I don’t need a butch’s cock to fulfill me anymore. I’m actually cumming harder all by myself rather than with these bois I’ve been running into.

I think I’m getting ready to start dating. Not for a long term relationship just yet. But, to start dating. Dinner and movie. Sappy walking on the beach to see if there are any feelings. Where we both try to work out getting together. Instead of the one night stands with a fuck buddy. I’m tired of being that girl.

I don’t think Boss has caught onto it. Nor do I think she really cares. She knows I’m not running every time she calls. As I know I don’t get as excited either.

I’m tired of putting something into nothing for a butch simply because she’s there. I don’t run into a lot of butches locally. Real butch.

Came real close to finishing up a dating profile and backed out. It’s just not how I do things. And they don’t seem all that helpful in finding me what I’m looking for.

The options for your sexuality are there. Searching for a man or a woman? Are you lesbian, hetero, or bi?

Well, I’m a lesbian..but I don’t date women in the general context. I date butches. I’ve observed dating sites for butches and femmes. It seems like this incestuous pool of one timer lust drama! I don’t want to be a part of that clusterfuck.

I don’t think it wise to have a FWB with Boss and date. She fucks my head up in ways that aren’t healthy.

Of course, when one is dating the famous question always comes up! What are you looking for in a partner? My answers isn’t so cut and dry. Yea. Butch is a given. But, how do I elaborate the type of butch I’m in search of. Aside from one who has their shit together and I don’t have to play mama. Should be a given. But. Ugh! I see what’s out there. Most of them don’t. A lot of them call themselves butch and yet I can “top” them. Or they don’t hold doors open, or they bitch and whine about something so fucking trivial.

Seriously? Butch up!

She’s gotta know how to kick back and not take everything so damn seriously. That’s for sure! I’m constantly thinking about what I want in a future girlfriend. I’m constantly being asked by friends what I want or what I’m looking for. My gawd! I’d be happy to just start meeting some fucking butches!! LOL! For now!

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