Who is Ex- Hubby?


I’ve been getting several emails wondering why I went from my marriage to Ex-Hubby to dating women. When did I ever state that Ex-Hubby was a man? At what point have I mentioned a name? Which still would not be a good clue  as there are a lot of unisex names and ways to twist a name to better suit the gender rather than one’s genitals.

Which tells me that some of you aren’t reading.

*Raised Eyebrow*

If you notice, I refer to Ex-Hubby as her and she. Sometimes, sling in Butch and Boi. All HUGE cues that Ex-Hubby was…

Drum Roll, Please!!!

A Butch Woman.


I know you didn’t think I’d reveal who she was by name and picture. Not my style. Ex-Hubby was Butch.

Why did/do I call her Ex-Hubby?

We were married. I was/am Femme and she’s Butch. I was the wife. Cooking and cleaning, tending to the needs of the home. That, to me was being a wife. She worked long days and nights at work. Come home and continue to work on our cars and whatever other “butch duties” were needed to occupy her time. That was our relationship. Sounds pretty hetero, doesn’t it?

Perhaps. If you’re still closed minded to believe that heterosexuals have their relationships and we have ours. I don’t believe relationships are so cut and dry according to sexual orientation. It’s whatever works for the couple. That worked for us. It works for her. It’s what she needs.

I don’t see Butches the way a lot of people try to box them. They’re not girls to me. They’re not pretty. Y’all know this already from a few of my posts:



Neither of those posts are to say that I want to live some heteronorm relationship. I’m drawn to the dominance that is Butch. The hard exterior with the secret soft side I’m blessed to be there for. Ex-Hubby was those things. I don’t see Butch as a wife. I’m not a fan of using partner. I already don’t like marriage for the business agreement that it is and always will be. It’s not about love. It’s a fucking business arrangement. Be a little realistic people! That’s another rant for another day.

I’m writing for those who are new here. Those who have been here since the beginning and have questioned me in the past. Some I have answered individually. Simply stating that Ex-Hubby was a butch. Not a man.

I knew my calling her Ex-Hubby would cause some confusion among the community. Ex-Hubby is a softer word than husband. But, the idea behind having the title husband rings true for Ex-Hubby. She was my Hubby. She was not my husband and she certainly wasn’t a wife, in my opinion. Hubby suited her. Suited our life that we had built together. We were suburban. The LGBTQI(?) is it now? LOL! 😉 May frown on that life all they want. If that’s the case…what do you think marriage turns into at some point?

Family. You’re creating a family. There is some form of domesticity that is created when you form a marriage. Just the two of you and your small circle of friends, your furbabies or you’re desperate to share your love with a real baby.

Knock the idea that there are only hetero and homo lifestyles. The only difference between the two is who we’re loving and how we’re fucking them. Not how we’re making it as a couple. Life has way too many twists and turns to believe that lesbian relationships would be so far off from a heterosexual one. Outside of the bedroom.

Again, that’s all for a different post. When I can really wrap my head around it. To be able to explain it in a way that I really want it to come across.

I can’t see butches in the wife role. Sure, some can sew and cook. Who said that had to strictly be a femme’s place?

I can’t sew very well. * Raised Eyebrow*

I chose wife for myself. That’s what felt right for me. Hubby felt right for me to say to her. Ex-Hubby would be the next appropriate term. She wasn’t a wife.

Like putting a dress and make up on a butch. Sure, they might look good.

But it just doesn’t fit.

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