Change the Rules?

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I know that I may seem like such a free for all type of lover. I’m actually

not. I do hope to find my one and only.

*Sigh* One day.

I’ve noticed several conversations about the difference between relationships and being single. It’s had me pondering about my own experience  in relationships.

When they’re new? Everything is happy. Oh. Sure, Honey you can go do whatever you want. At some point and for some reason that stops. We’re lesbians and we have a horrible tendency of this clingy mentality in the first stages of our relationships.

This is usually where you start going into work late, sleep and snuggles are heavenly. You don’t want to do anything without the other. You may experience some form of pouts when you have things you must do. It’s all because things are new! You have this new, wonderful, and beautiful woman in your life and everything feels good! You don’t want to loose this high! Right?

Your friends are starting to disappear because they never see you anymore. You gain that “happy fat.” Have lost all track of your normal routine because you’ve been high on love. Granted it’s a great feeling. That fresh new love! It’s amazing!! It’s the part that most of us single women reflect on on those lonely nights.

At some point you both get tired of always being around each other and one of you start to want to stray. The other notices it quite quickly and gets a bit insecure with this new behavior. Along with other new behaviors that suddenly spring up because you’re starting to break out of that special little love spell. You’re still loving each other. You just reach a point where you want to breathe some of your own oxygen! This is the first test of your relationship.

It’s time to meet friends, family members and..dare I say it. Possibly a couple of long time exes? You’ve spent weeks in bed, making love and hours of pillow talk. You’re good. Nothing can go wrong. Right? You feel like you know this woman inside and out.

As we all know, people are different behind closed doors. You can have a butch in the streets, femme in the sheets.

*Shrug* One analogy. LOL!

While out with friends the lovey dovey woman you spent hours kissing isn’t all this perfect goddess you thought she was. After hours of conversations with her friends. Debates and what nots. You find that you two have some differences. We’re all human and are entitled to our opinions. Then who knows what you may discuss at home.

Let’s say marriage and kids. You find out she doesn’t believe in marriage but that’s something you’ve longed for all your life. She doesn’t want children. You’ve been dying to bounce babies off your knee. That’s one that I have been running into myself. I’ve been married. I believe it is a one time deal. Not doing it again. I’ve been a stepmother…some form of a mother. That’s it for me. I’ve done that already and I feel like that should be it for a person. I’ve never been one for marriage in the first place. I never dreamed of getting married and having babies. I always played the cool aunt or neighbor. And yes, I’ve played the dad before as a child.

And I liked it! 😉

I date women. I have a certain type that I’m looking for. Butch is a given. The issues I’m running into with butches is that they’re either one extreme or the other. I want a butch who likes to have some couple time at home. Snugglin’ on the couch with a good movie. I’d also enjoy some time out of the house. Be it at a bar or club. Or something completely different and out of the ordinary. I’m a typical woman that enjoys the arts and theater.
Another common discussion among couples is what are the boundaries for cheating? Is a kiss just a kiss? Our is it a little more intimate for you?
These things should be brought up before you become a couple? Right?
Lol! Yea…ok!
There’s allot of other points I’d like to make. And i probably will at some point. But you know what I’m saying right? Things just change throughout the relationship. After the fluffy is gone. All the tests and trials to finding the one. Determining the one.

6 thoughts on “Change the Rules?

  1. I’ve been pondering all of the same stuff lately. I am coming to the conclusion that I cannot do monogamous any longer…I’m involved currently with a poly person, and I am drawn more to that lifestyle and to the possibility that there is more than one lover for me….hell, there always HAS been in some form or another, and I am sick of calling it cheating. I need more connections with more people, it’s more freeing and I like it. 🙂

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  2. I don’t think one person can cover all bases – it’s important that they cover *most* though. I’m not good at sharing, so non-monogamy wouldn’t work for me, but I need my partner to have intense friendships and interests outside of me that don’t necessarily need to involve me.

    But, it’s always a give-and-take, a dance, and it’s different with every person.

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  3. The last couple of paragraphs I knocked out on my phone. So, excuse the typos!!
    However, I LOVE the comments and input y’all bringing!!

    keepitsecretplease- Nice to have ya on board! Thanks! These things are true and trivial and the annoying turns in a relationship!! LOL! Gimmie the BIG troubles in little lezzie couple any day over this stuff!

    MainelyButch- I’m really curious to know how poly works for you two..or three? *Giggles* I couldn’t resist, Sweetie! 😉
    Poly is a relationship I think I can only fantasize about. Not something I mentally, emotionally and physically can live out. It’s not cheating if you BOTH agree to it, though. Right! That’s why it should be discussed beforehand.

    Quinn- That’s true! The BIG basics. Marriage, kids, and cheating. Are top discussions for my decisions in dating.

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  4. You’re right about the ‘fluffy’ part of a new relationship… the true test is what happens after the honeymoon period is over… reality sets in and your eyes open to the stuff that will either sustain the relationship or break it. I think open lines of communication is essential and honesty first and foremost. Great article 😉

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  5. Roxi St. Clair-Thanks for commenting. Honesty and open communication is the most crucial key to any relationship. Some people are blind even when everything is out on the table. Thinking they can change their lover or that they will not be that way with them.
    I smoke and drink with the bois. I’m a blunt and outspoken bitch. I don’t like having to depend on anyone for anything. If these things are being challenged in my life…I turn into this sappy pitiful mess. Then we’re both unhappy.
    So, pay attention when that honesty is there!

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