Lost and So Confused

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I have other projects I need to put out on here.
I didn’t think that my

grandmother`s death would have this toll on me. But it is. We weren’t even all that close.
I felt like i was just starting to feel me again. Productive. Full of positive vibes. Responsible and taking my vitamins. Including the PMDD ones. Writing was getting to be a pretty regular thang.

It all went down so fast!!

Being told a few weeks to just a couple of days. You don’t really have a minute to react. Just know you have got to see her.

This is my little space in the world to let it all out. Let myself go.

And I’ve gone in hiding.
Now finding myself in this bizarre numb state. I’m not sure what i feel. And I’m not sure that i want to feel at all.
Is this where I’m suppose to get mad at her? Those are the stages of grief? I’m not mad at her. I’m very upset with myself. I should’ve
made time. I need to figure out how to make time for everyone in my life. Those people that really matter to me. Those that have been with me and have tried.
My excuse shouldn’t be that I didn’t have time anymore.
I type this wondering if I should run myself ragged? When I sleep everyone is working. I work they’re sleeping. Family get togethers are always on a weekend…I work on weekends.
People tell me that their so worried about my getting enough sleep. I worry about missing people and good memories.

I want to crawl into my little Cancer shell and only let a very select few people in. Everyone else, it seems are just kind of there? I know that sounds so bad for anyone who is trying to be there for me. The problem is that I only feel a certain level of comfort with certain people. Certain people can see or hear me cry. A very select few will know that I get down in a funk. Even smaller few know what I do when I get in this funk.

I have so many things to share with you all! The date with Stall Boi happened. Hmmm..stay tuned. 😉

Ever heard of a totally queer musical run by queers?? You’ll love it!!
And many other happenings in V. V`s world.

Please excuse the typos. I’m writing this from my phone! Yep! V.V.’s got one of those smart phones finally. This is my first post from it!! Not bad huh!!

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