Terrible name. How else are y’all gunna remember who I’m talking about?!?!?! It happened..thus her blog identity! 😉
I know!!! I was looking for a ton of excuses to dodge out of this date. I know! But, this was entirely unintentional. As you all have read, I couldn’t sleep because I was seriously stressing over this date. Tons of thoughts running through my mind!!
What does she want? How do I explain that I’m not wanting anything too serious? How do I get into the topic of what it is I am looking for? Yes. The most important. I hadn’t a thang to wear! Said in my best Scarlette O’Hara accent!
I’m on the phone with one of my best butch friends. Talking me through this date until I get a notification from my Aunt. My aunt has been keeping everyone informed about my grandmother. So, I was real quick o read it. Just before my friend and I were about to get off the phone. I read this and just started getting shocked.
Aunt: “Momma’s pain has increased considerably starting yesterday. I know when I was there yesterday while Uncle had to go to the office, it took more for her pain to go away. Uncle’s Wife says that she had a really hard time last night & this morning has been bad. Her nurse came to see her this morning & has increased her pain medication. Also, he said that from what he sees, she may only have about 2-3 more weeks. We had been told the cancer was very aggressive & very painful.”
With this news after my own trivial date drama. I went into total shock and another load of a million questions. Are we about to watch my grandmother die? Bedridden in a constant state of pain? How is she going to handle this? She typically an old Southern housewife type of woman. Hates being a burden. How is this going to affect her? How do I maintain a proper composure when I got visit her?
I’ve got to go see her!!
Needless, to say. After a ton of help from my butch friend…I didn’t get to sleep until almost 5PM! Mind you, I wake up at 8:30PM!!! She just let me listen to her run errands until I passed out. I know her usual butch self takes blame in keeping me awake. But, to just have someone close by was incredibly helpful. For that, I really appreciate her. I don’t think I would have gone to sleep without that.
I’ll post more on this as I get the updates and get out to visit with her.
I cancelled with Stall Boi. Fortunately, she understands. Of course, right? The text I sent her was I had some bad family news and can’t make it. Brush off, right? Yea. So, I got some sleep and have informed her of what’s going on and why I couldn’t make it in. She’s shocked I even went into work.
Here’s the thing about me. I will bury myself in work or keeping myself busy if something is bothering me. Staying busy keeps me distracted. Hearing a friend running errands keeps me distracted from my own thoughts. I was wreck all day. And then at work, I’m in a different zone. Smiling and happy to see everyone. Keeping the pain aside.
My friend is right. I should get all this crying out of my system before I go and see her. She doesn’t want to see that. I should be my normal goofy, talkative self when I go see her. Hopefully, that will kick in. I’m going to see her by myself this round. A bit more added nerves. Focus will be all on each other. She could easily see me hiding back tears.
Lord, make her blind to that, please! For her sake!
Prayers and well wishes her way everyone. She’s going to be in pain until…well..ya know. That’s what I’m gathering from the message.