Well, V.V. tried to give a butch a shot finally. Wanted to go on that date on Tuesday. Shoot pool, dress all cute. Get the first date after a divorce jitters. Wondering what’s acceptable on a first date? Curious how things will flow. Perusing the walk-in closet for my sexiest heels and body complimenting dress.
Come to find out via Facebook. *Shrug* She has a fucking girlfriend!!!
Ya heard right! A girlfriend!! What a DOUCHE! It gets better y’all!
When I asked her about the girlfriend I got the typical. ‘We’re not happy. I don’t love her anymore. Blah. Blah.’
I told her to fix that situation before asking girls on dates. I don’t play those games. Then she..yep. She asks me if I’ll date her if she breaks up with her girlfriend tomorrow?!!?
“Why not?” She asked.
Well, bois, I’ll tell you why. You just showed me your true fucking colors! How am I supposed to believe that you’ll be faithful, loyal and honest to me? While I see you on dating sites hittin’ me up while still in a relationship?!?!?!?!
Needless to say, I went through a bit of a funk wondering what type of woman I come off as? I mean, I get where this boi was coming from. I’ve been unhappy and cheated. In Ex-Hubby’s face. That doesn’t mean it’s in my normal state of mind. Nor is it anything I encourage under any circumstances. We were a fucked up relationship. Though this boi might be going through the same fucked up world. That doesn’t mean that I wanna be one of the women on the sidelines with the back and forth relationship that may be her girlfriend. Then I wondered if I have some sort of Stupid sign on my forehead?
Logically, a boi who dumps one girl for another is typically a repeated pattern. Why would that interest me? How could I trust she wouldn’t do the same to me? I also believe in a healing process. I don’t believe in one hook up or relationship right after another one. I find that sort of thing sketchy. I think one should tend to their scars and get themselves back together after a serious relationship. However, as my therapist once said. Everyone has their own process. But, butches who do things like that. You, the femme, usually end up picking up the pieces from the last relationship.
While I cancel the date with said boi she comes back at me with I’m missing out and that she can rock my world. Of course, me rolling my eyes. I told her that with such a response I already know she couldn’t handle this. Childish! Immature. Briefs in a bunch response.
Excuse me? Where the fuck is she? Where is a butch who is single and wants to get to know my in’s and out’s before jumping right into girlfriends!?!?! I’ve been married. I don’t want to rush right into a relationship until I’m certain I’m going to love her and she love me. Until I see that she can hang out with my friends and family. See that she can have a good time out rather than complain about every damn thing.
I have things I want to know before I settle down again!! And finding out you have a girlfriend while asking me out on a date is not, I repeat NOT a turn on!! It’s fucking insulting to me and your girlfriend!
Thanks, Douche. Ya did a fine job at making me feel cheap. Way to go.
Now, I will remain cool. It knocked me down for a bit, yes. I got excited about the idea of dating and was disappointed. However, I wont let this discourage my chances for next time. I wanted to hide in my little Cancer shell and say fuck it. Remain the single, hardcore, bitch that I seem to portray to the rest of the world. If I am asked out again by another butch I feel I may be interested in. I’ll agree. Yes, I might have guards. Might? Ha! We know the truth!! I will have guards. Who doesn’t?
I will try not to myself up. As badly as I may want to. That’s what the blog is for. Me practicing vulnerability and speaking out my thoughts or feelings. I’ll need to do so in the real world as well as in this little space of mine.