I Wanna Quit!

 

i-quit

 

Me thinx I’m done with Boss. I know, seems like everything between us just started again.

I think I’m done. I’ll still be her friend and I do believe I want to leave it at that. Sure, she’s unattainable and that’s a good thing for me right now. What’s not so awesome is how I feel like this thing she calls up when she wants a good time.

That’s right. I said thing. I’m not anything special. Nor do I wanna be anyone’s anything special right now. However, I’d like a little more fulfillment than booze and her boner. There’s no kissing. No foreplay. Nothing. It’s kinda empty. Usually, after sex, I’m used to feeling worn out and sexy.

Fulfilled.

I’ve had sex as a single woman before. I know how I’m supposed to feel and what to expect. I don’t recall it being quite like this.

Yea. One night stands leave ya feeling a little off. Perhaps, a bit of me is hoping for more than what it is. Even though I don’t see myself with Boss in a committed relationship. I’m still wanting some form of intimacy. Probably why it’s so difficult for me to cum with her. I have had little orgasms. But, I know what she’s doing and I know that ordinarily I can cum hard from it.

It’s so funny because I’ve been crushing on her for years. You’d think I’d feel all sorts of giddy about her being a FWB with me??

Something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. She switches from being this affectionate, kissy butch while we’re out drinking. However, when sober she’s kinda aloof and finds things to do when I’m at her house. Is that odd? I can’t figure her out at all. And my dumbass just rolls with it because this keeps me from getting any closer than we already are. I keep going back because she’s safe! The unattainable is like a special suit of armor for my heart. For my fears. For what terrifies me with being in another committed relationship. There’s a post I’ve been dying to put up here. But wont because I make a living and I’m not sure who reads what or has figured out what from my personal account.

So, I can’t. It’s been public before. When I was a housewife. It’s everything I’m terrified of. If I speak with anyone one on one I do confess. Even though I’ve been told by a mutual friend or two that I don’t need to because it was one relationship. But, I feel it’s wrong for a potential partner not to know this. Or lover. Or whatever.

I’d really rather just get me back. Feel like the strong secure woman I once was again. I’m getting there. One hint of that being that I don’t want to continue being this thing in a butch’s cell phone for a “good time.”

Y’all do notice that I said maybe a lot in this post, right? Yea. Shit! Me too!

Does this mean I’m settling? Or does this make Boss my rebound? We all know there’s nothing serious going on. Am I just fucking her until I find The One? Until I’m ready for The One.

*Shrug*

What other reasons are there for a woman to keep going to the asshole that is the unattainable. She’s not really an asshole…but is in a way. She’s a good friend. Nothing more. My bro? LOL! 😉

2 thoughts on “I Wanna Quit!

  1. I fill you girl…..iam not even “Fuckin” because i want something whole but at the same time don’t want the relationship…..need to find me and i can’t ……been the working wife and supporter,TIRED of if need to be me and enjoy me its best to be friends so you dont choke there ass’s out

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  2. Jamie u say it so well as do your writings vulnerable verbiage ………. I look for me and what do i see an empty chair of what was there ….now i reach for hope and the dreams of what seems currently hopeless will one day surely come to pass

    Like

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