Do Femmes Have Bro Codes?


I have just a couple of things to add before I bombard you with all my observations and experiences on this topic.

One being, Boss’s best bro admitted that she reads my blogs! I’m flattered! Someone I interact with in real life. I hang out with. Reads my blog!! I don’t think I have to go into the actual reason why this bit of info is of importance.

Bro Code! I’m a femme.

I’m The Femme in our little circle. I drink like the bois. Chill like the bois. Don’t deal with the stupid bar drama like the bois. The hand holding that beer is fabulously decorated with painted nails and rings. I’m this reader’s friend and she mine. But, the Butch Bro Bond is pretty solid. When there is a butch bond of any kind. I know some butches can’t be friends with others because it’s some sort of pissing contest.

*Raised eyebrow*

However, us girlies are guilty of similar behavior!!

Bois tend to tell each other about every girl they’re interested in, seeing, dating or fucking. My being Boss’ whatever and her friend’s friend. I’m in quite the predicament with these blogs about Boss now!!

Am I supposed to believe that whatever I say here doesn’t go back to Boss? It’s nothing she doesn’t already know, of course. I just hate the drama that gets stirred when there’s a middle boi!! Ugh! Or femme! Know what I’m sayin’?

How can I put this? There’s a new girl in the group. Which pleases me!! Except that she’s having a hard time coping with discovering that she’s just not as boish as she thought she was. Thanks to Boss’ friend. She realized that she’s a bit more submissive. When I heard this I click clacked my five inch stilettos to her and whispered, “It just takes that one amazing night. With that one amazing boi. Strappin’ on that perfect cock!”

We both got a good giggle. The bois high fived each other! Femme mission accomplished. 😉

While this new found femme is learning what all there is to being femme. She asked me, “Is there a femme code?”

Well! That got my mind spinning!!! Is there a femme code?!?!? If there was one…would we listen?!?!? Femmes are a bit hard headed. We’re stubborn! We’re a ‘get what we want when we want it’ group of women. Bro Code would typically involve things like: Don’t fuck with my girl. Inside jokes. And other things. High fives that leave the femmes wondering what the fuck was that about?!?!

Femmes? Not so much. I’m not friends with a lot of femmes. And the femmes that I have been friends with aren’t friends with many femmes either. Hmmm..

I’m mostly friends with butches. And NO they’re not all out to get into my pants. We exchange dating stories. Joke about others trying too hard to get our attention. Things like that. My curiosity if a butch is telling me that she really likes me or am I being a femme and over-thinking it. Which is usually what I have to remind myself with Boss. I’m over thinking a lot of our…whatever you wanna call us!! 😛

It’s been my experience with femmes that they usually feed off drama. Hence, my not getting along with them. I’m like one of the bois when it comes to that shit. I’ve literally told a girl off and walked away. And given my experience with my own dramatic bitch behavior I’d assume that those who like to cause drama are unhappy.

Fix it, Bitch!

I was tryin’ to help a sistah out! Especially, a new femme sistah! Don’t fuck with the boi and her friend! I feel this code! I’ve experienced it! I’m friends with butches! I’ve ditched bois for a girlfriend. It’s bullshit! I’ve had butches dump me as a friend for their girlfriends. I get it. I really get it. Then you get to a point where you put your foot down and say you’re not gunna do that anymore. My butches aren’t going anywhere this round. So, if you’ve read everything here about Boss and I. Know that Boss is always going to be a friend. There will be nights we go out drinking and you can choose to join us or not. That’s your decision!

Wouldn’t that be some kind of a bro/femme code?!?! Yep. Still not finding a femme code in this post, are ya?!!?!?

I’ve had femmes tell me that my secret is safe with them. Next thing I hear from a butch is a mixed up game of telephone? Totally misinterpreted every damn thing I said!!

So, my experience. There isn’t a femme code. Femmes are more of the Darwin effect. Every girl for herself, bitches. It’s fun to watch that sort of thing unfold. Be the femme that flirts and laughs with the bois. Hear how they talk about foolish and slutty other women make themselves out to be. And unattractive they think that is!!! There’s some insight, Ladies!! From the boi‘s mouths, into this femme’s ear, sharing with YOU!

I know that bois can quite oblivious to our flirting. But, is it really necessary to flash your goodies as an introduction?? Femme code? LOL! 😉

7 thoughts on “Do Femmes Have Bro Codes?

  1. Some of us are not oblivious, we are interested, but also intimidated and shy and don’t want to make a fool of ourselves. An old school femme told me that the regardless of what you actually do, the femmes send the come hither vibe, and the butches send the I’m coming your way. Fortunately, most femmes are less shy than most butches (a gross generalization) and lead the way.


  2. LOL!! The Author, just couldn’t resist, could you?

    Jamie Ray, I’m thinkin’ I really agree with that generalization. Butches tend to be a lot more shy than femmes are!! Us girlies are like animals hunting for their prey!!


  3. Sooo, I didn’t want to come onto your blog and pick a fight but this post really rubbed me the wrong way. I think there is a femme code and I think you just violated it. If we view femme as either a queered form of femininity or a conscious reclaiming of femininity despite violent and virulent misogyny and femme-antagonism (aka ladyhate and the connected hate of all things deemed ladyish) then the femme code is to not buy into the gender essentialist polarizing nonsense.

    When you talk like all masculine folks are a certain way and all femme folks another way, you’re buying into some gender essentialist nonsense. When you flat out state that some stereotypically assigned to feminine folk trait that is often used to demonize femme folk and feminize (hence demonize) other folks– like, “drama” or “gossipy” is something that all femme folks do or are, you’re caving to internalized misogyny and femme-antagonism imho, and you’re reinforcing some bullshit stereotypes that people use all the time everywhere in our society to keep women and fem(me) folks down. Its not cool.

    The for real femme code is that unlike everyone else in the history of everywhere, femmes won’t shit on other femmes for being femme. We’ll fight back against the narratives that tell us we’re weak or silly or gossipy or drama or not smart because of the way in which our gender manifests. Just as we will question the ways in which male supremacy assigns all things bright and beautiful to supposedly masculine traits. (all of which is made up bullshit anyway, used to be that wigs and high heels were the epitome of masculinity, circa Louis XXIV)

    Just because I’m a femme person doesn’t mean I like drama or gossip and it doesn’t mean I’m more frivolous than masculine people– it means that, regardless of my other traits, my gender presentation is femme. It has nothing whatsoever to do with all the rest of the things that make me a unique individual. Once a boi told me, “its ok you don’t have to be smart, you’re pretty” — well that’s really cute and all, that this particular masculine woman needed to shit on me to make herself feel special (read:not cute) but the fact is, and I don’t say this to brag, just to state the fact– I’m one of the smartest people I know, this was in fact a grad mate, someone I went to school with, and she of all people should know that I’m sharp sharp sharp. Chances are quite good that she was feeling insecure about her own intellectual chops especially in my company. Point is, it was suuuuper easy for her to bag on me for being femme, because its what we’re all taught is true. The femme code is simply this: femmes will continually rethink our own internalized misogyny, we’ll call others out on theirs— because we affirm that our gender identity doesn’t have anything to do with our worth as humans, with our intellectual abilities, our ability to drive a car or bake a cake or diaper a baby or write a novel or any other goddamned thing.

    End rant.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Quite the contrary Rachel Kantstopdaphunk!! I’ve read your comment a couple of times over. I thoroughly enjoyed what you had to say! So no fights from this end.
    I didn’t claim to know any sort of Femme Code. I admitted my ignorance on the matter from the get go. I didn’t know of any at all and you brought to light some very good points. 🙂
    This post was written awhile back. While I was searching for “self” as a single woman. Not sure if that’s any excuse. However, I’ve learned a lot on the journey about me. I’ve learned that I’m really not a fan of the Bro Code. Or any sort of code. If we’re all friends we should all have our jokes and high fives. I realized that while around those who make me feel lesser than because of my gender tear me down when we should be lifting each other up.
    One of the reasons I don’t hang out with Boss anymore is because she’d said many times that she prefers me when I’ve been drinking. She’s made many comments to knock me down. At the time, I didn’t think so. I was simply glad to have a group of “friends” in my life after being isolated for so long.
    This was my most favorite and I do believe incredibly accurate!
    “The femme code is simply this: femmes will continually rethink our own internalized misogyny, we’ll call others out on theirs— because we affirm that our gender identity doesn’t have anything to do with our worth as humans, with our intellectual abilities, our ability to drive a car or bake a cake or diaper a baby or write a novel or any other goddamned thing.”

    Your rant friggin’ rocked! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 😉

    I’m so glad you responded with such understanding and empathy, I’ve been trying kindof hard to stop getting into arguments on the internets, lol. Also yeah, anyone who talks about “I like you better when you’re drunk” is EW x eleventybillion. That really makes a lot of sense to me as well, that hearing those messages so constantly would make them blend into the background in a sense. Like oh yeah, sure, that’s how things…waitaminute, what did boifriend just say to me? I realized a bit ago too that this is actually quite an old post, and doesn’t reflect current thinking accurately. In some ways the endless memory of the internets is both a boon and a curse. There’s a great blog out there where my nimroddery is immortalized for all time, when I said some clueless crap that I’ve since learned better about. Ha, that’s the story of my life. I think we should like, codify the femme code, and start calling out everyone who crosses it! We could hand out those little red cards they give sporty people for doing a foul or whatever. yellow? red? hockey? soccer? –w/evs-we should give those out. Especially to our masculine dyke community members who are *supposed* to have our friggin back…. Too often they’re busy tearing us down to build themselves up, which–they got challenges that we do not, I get it.. still. That’s hecka bootsy, as the 6th graders used to say. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Rachel, as long as we stay on topic. I’m good. 😉 Seriously appreciate your perspective on the matter.
    I completely understand avoiding arguments on the net. I go through periods of just shutting myself down.
    *Shrug* Everyone’s got their two cents.
    I have a feeling I’m gonna love and hate your comments. In a very good way. If that makes any sense. 😉 It’s a compliment, I promise!

    Hmm…Femme Code Cards? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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