I Want my Tat, Damnit!!

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Granted, I already have five tattoos!! Another one is in the works! Has been since the divorce. First thing in my head after I moved out.

All my tattoos have some sort of significance. The fairy kissing a star on my leg is for me to keep dreaming. Fairies are fictional characters and it’s impossible to catch a star. Who are we but always trying to accomplish the impossible?

I have my zodiac sign (Cancer) on my foot. Need I say more? This next tattoo will be something special.

I have a tendency of wanting to fall into the “normal” life. I want to be settled with a butch so badly that I tend to give myself up. I love her and want us to work out so badly that I’ll forget about me. A butch can look so great on paper and we might not be the best match for each other. She can look hot as hell.

*Ahem* Boss is hot as fucking hell!! Thought I’d share that. LOL! 😉 See my frustrations there?

She can have a great job. Shit! Some I’m finding even own houses! Have kids! Dress and smell so good! Older, as we know I love! These are all typically great domesticated, committed relationship qualities! That most femmes would kill for!!! Have been known to behave shady when a butch is already taken!!

I’m a wild child! I love heavy metal music when I’m pissed off! I smoke cigarettes and chill with my ol’ buddy Jack on a day off. I believe in the working hard and playing harder mentality.

I work hard! I work a lot! At odd hours with funky days off. I tend to date either one extreme or the other. Ex-Hubby was a workaholic who didn’t know how to just relax. Some people have chips on their shoulders. No! She carried bricks. Tensed me the fuck up. I couldn’t relax!!

Before her, I dated a Stud. She was a freeloader soon to be a multimillion dolla rapper. Uh. OK. But, we played good pool together and could get a good night of drinks in. Thanks to our friendly neighborhood bartenders. 😉

A lot of people did not want us to break up, either. It had to be done. I felt like she was using me for my money. I wasn’t allowed to get jealous. Of course, she could get pissed off at any boi I was talking to. Only to find out she had been talking to this other woman online through out our entire relationship?!?!? When said woman was ready to come to Texas I had to be OK with that!?!? Yes. Stud wanted me to step aside for some online girlfriend of hers. I can’t make this shit up!!!!

What the fuck bois?!?! Femmes can’t get jealous, but the world is falling apart the second a butch smiles in our direction!!! Fuck that!

When Stud told me about the other woman online I simply left saying we were finished. Of course, when I went into the same pool hall we used to chill at. The bar tender came up to me smiling. She was about to bust out laughing. She said that Stud tried to have me banned from the bar. We both cracked the fuck up!! Even the bartender said it was a ridiculous request seeing as how Stud was not a paying customer and mooched off of everyone. Funny. I gave the bartender my number and said we’d hang out elsewhere. She admitted to enjoying my company over hers anyway. I told her that in order to keep any stupid dyke drama clear I have other places I can hit up. Wouldn’t ya know that’s when Stud came in the door! That’s becoming another blog entirely!!

This post is about my itch for new ink!! After my experience of being housebitch and my constant desire to find what should be an acceptable relationship to the outside world. I really want or need to focus on what I’m looking for in another butch. I will do my best to fall in love with the person so much. But, also her environment. Is she a stay at home boi on the weekends? Or does she like to find new things to do? Can she handle a crowd of people bumping into her at a concert? Or will she bitch and moan at every drunk moron screaming, “Fuck Yea!” over her shoulders.

I’m the chick that screams, “Hell Yea!!” Right back at said screamer! She has to be OK with that!

Before I keep going off track here. I want a new tattoo! I want a beautiful wild bird escaping from a gorgeous cage! Pretty self-explanatory, right? That life of typical suburbia looks so wonderful to me at first. But, after awhile it literally drives me bonkers!!!

I need to be able spread my wings without judgment! I need to run, fly or whatever. I can’t stay cooped up in one space for too long. I’m barely ever home and I like it that way. This new tattoo will be the perfect reflection of myself. I will not settle for what seems like a good idea. That’s not to say that I didn’t love the butches I was with. I did. A little too much. So, much so that I quit loving me. That’s the purpose of my tattoo.

My constant reminder not to allow myself to do that again. Wether the bois like me or not. I will love me! I will hold on to that love for myself! I will respect that love I have for myself.

After being single for several months I’ve rediscovered pieces of me that I’ve missed so much and don’t ever want to give up. For one, I’m incredibly social!! People do like what I have to say. I’ve been called awesome several times in a row!!

Granted I don’t need anyone to say that to me. But, it felt fucking great to hear it. After so long of wondering if I’m this cold, nasty bitch, insecure piece of shit I’ve been led to believe that I am.

So, no. This pretty bird will never be caged again!

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