Battle of the Ex


I’ve considered for years to set up a dating help service for lesbians. Well, that takes money and a lot of time. Time and money to be able to quit a day job. I guessed it might be ideal to start around here. 🙂

Butches, I have to wonder if playing the broken hearted is your most fabulous pick up line?

Yes. I’m rolling my eyes!!

If the reason why you’re single is because your girlfriend cheated on you or some other crap like that. Try and find another way of wording it without making the ex sound like the royal bitch from hell!! Remember, you DID date her and love her at some point. Clearly, she wasn’t that awful! Femmes aren’t stupid…well some of us. We know it takes two. 😉

Your new probable girlfriend envisions you talking about her that way at some point y’all fail.

Don’t think there will be a follow up date if you do any of the following regarding your ex:

Bitch about your ex and all her faults. Butch up, Bro! How does that make you look? You look like the fucking asshole who clearly hasn’t moved past the anger phase of the break up.

One way to dodge out of that conversation, you ask? Change the topic. Or simply state that you were at different points in your lives? It just didn’t work out? Y’all didn’t see eye to eye? Something other than raggin’ on the ex.A nice one, is usually, I’d much rather get to know you. Let’s enjoy our time together.

New Femme girlfriend doesn’t find it attractive!! If she does…do you really want a girl who pities you? That’s not the way I’d like a relationship to start out.

But that’s me. *Shrug* Maybe the butch damsel does work for some. Personally, I think it’s a lame ass move.

You’re talking with a girl and things are getting comfortable when discussing your exes.


You think you’ve moved on! That incredibly available, hot chick perceives otherwise from your conversation.

You’ve said that you still miss your ex? You still have feelings for her? You’d consider getting back together if given the chance?

These are red flags to Femme!! She’s not your Number 1 girl! Femmes wanna be your fucking Number One! Just like Butches like to be for the Femme. It’s not a one edged sword! This shit goes both ways, bois! 😉

If a girl was going on about how hot her ex butch was? How amazing the sex was? All these great things about her ex butch? It’d make you feel a little awkward!

Right?!?! Don’t bullshit me on this Bois! Bottom line! When it comes to dating and wanting to be in a relationship. Both parties want to be Top Dawg! The One! Save the ex conversation for later. Save the ex friendship for later. When you’re secure in your new relationship. It’s just better for everyone. It’s respectful to all parties.

I know!! We lesbians have this crazy “friends with the ex” mantra! Surely, you can put it on hold for a bit. You want love? You want forever? Ditch the ex bullshit for a moment!

And don’t even think for a second that you can pass the ex off as some regular friend. We’re women! We can smell the past relationship left in the room. And half the time…the ex will give your secret away. Trust me! It’s happened with me and Boss. Her ex, who she introduced to me as a friend, told me that the two of them had dated. It was after I had already figured it out. Just sayin’. There’s no way around the “ex” intro.

One last bit about the ex girlfriend who is now your best friend. She’s your best friend because she’s known you for who knows how many years. She’s your best friend because she’s lived with you and seen all your different mannerisms. Heard all your different tones. She can hear if you’re excited about a new girlfriend or not. She knows what happiness sounds like from you. She might even sort of resent it. Ooooh! Some of us kind of hate the thought that the ex who is now our best friend might hate to know that we’re happy! It happens. It’s part of their healing, but it’s still there. Thus another reason to give the ex girlfriend and new girlfriend some time before knowing about each other.

I know! All this is so dumb and sounds like some big fucking game! That’s not the intent. Dating is delicate. Women are delicate! Women are horribly intuitive and can recognize almost anything without anyone having to say a word. Femmes are amazing creatures who can read between grey, black, white and pink lines! So, tread cautiously with us for a little while. At least until you’re both certain as to what can make each other tick. Is the time bomb too quick or does she have enough patience and ask enough “right” questions to get into your world. Rather than taking over it.

Everyone has insecurities. Everyone! While dating I think you should let the fluffy newness of it ride out. Learn about each other rather than bombard each other with all sorts of crap that’s enough to scare off T-Rex!

We all have some sort of escape route when it comes to dating. That one thing that makes every date flee. Me? I’m a bitch! I act heartless and unapologetic about my flirtations with other bois. Watching whichever butch has interests in me squirm in their own jealousy. Jealousy is best watched when it isn’t even necessary. I’m single, we’re not together. There’s no reason for anyone to be jealous over the other. No reason for a pissing contest. It makes me chuckle. Another defense I tend to use is my love for independence. I was a housebitch for this many years, blah blah! Ain’t nobody gunna be the boss of me again! Well, butches like to feel needed. It kinda sucks knowing that a femme doesn’t need them. Nor does she want to ever need anyone. Ever again!

Gimmie some credit! At least I admit it!

I’m aware of those that came out as a lesbian late in life. You have kids with an ex-husband and things like that. That’s something which is unavoidable. It needs to be addressed early on. This new girl you’re dating needs to be fine with the fact that there will be this man in your lives constantly for the sake of the kid. The new girlfriend needs to be ready to be some sort of parental figure in the eyes of both parents.

4 thoughts on “Battle of the Ex

  1. Pingback: Another Date? | Vulnerable Verbiage

  2. Pingback: Y’all Ain’t Done Yet! | Vulnerable Verbiage

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