X-Mas With Boss

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Welcome back everyone!! Hope you all had a happy holiday!!! Mine was awesome!! I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and siblings. Christmas Day was with my Dad and step family!! Later that day I decided to spend some me time with Boss and friends.

Forgive me if I should get a little lost in thought on this. This is Boss I’m talking about. I’ve crushed on her for years!! Years! Look, I know I said that I’d like to be single for a year. To be perfectly honest. If Boss asked me to be her girlfriend I’d fucking jump on it!!

That’s really lame of me, isn’t it? It’s just whatever relationship we do have going seems to work for the both of us right now.

She invited me to come out with her and her friends when I was done with my family. However, she sends me another text saying that she misses me.

Huh? If you knew Boss…you’d know that this is so out of character. I call to let her know that I’m on my way and find out where we’re all meeting. Good. Done. She says she’s serious about missing and how awesome I am.

All in the wonderful, uninhibited, slurred speech.

*Sigh*

Thus is Boss. When I arrived at the bar we planned to meet at. She said she needed to talk to me. “Finish your drink so we can talk. I need to talk to you.” She says.

My femme mind is whirling!! Is she wanting to have that conversation with me after who knows how many bloody mary’s her and her friends have slurped down? Naturally, my high tolerance ass told her that if she wants me buzzed for this conversation I’ll just take a shot!

Shots were ordered, slammed and my arm was taken by her hand to another table at the bar. Shakin’ in my five inch stilettos, tuggin’ at my short skirt wondering what the fuck is she about spit out. And it’s nothing! She wanted my advice on her two friends dating!!

Grrrr!! Don’t even ask me what I would’ve done if she had said something about us!! I have no flippin’ clue. Probably would’ve acted like my world has ended! Well good riddance! Thank Gawd! Wasn’t prepped for that sort of discussion on this particular day! But, why the big scene about it?!?!!? Needless to say, I slammed another jagerbomb with the rest of them and we hung onto each other with every “Baby, Honey, Babe” kiss we weren’t afraid to let out!

On the way to her place after the bar, she’s tellin’ me how much I fuck up her world and that she loves me!?!?

Excuse me!?!? Have you not been paying attention?!?! I’m in a skirt and heels in cold, windy weather! I’m channeling Marilyn Monroe with every step!!

I had a perk while at the bar. I caught her looking me up and down while she was talking with her friend. Her hands went up my legs, touching my legs all night. While everyone around probably thought we’d hook up that night. I knew better. While friends ask me if we’re ever gunna get together. I know better. When people tell me that she likes me and wants to be with me. I laugh it all off.

Then she pulls this shit…after several drinks!

Grrrr!

It’s just not like that with us. We’re both so terribly afraid of relationships. So fucking guarded. That’s why our girlfriend moments come out after drinking. What Boss and I have is so gray I don’t even think we know what it is exactly. Fucking Hell it’s frustrating!

I fuck up her world?!?! Oh! For the love of all that is holy! Years! Years! I’ve been crushing on this fucker!! So, many nights I’ve mustered up the nerve to initiate anything and rejected! But, I fuck up her world!?!??!

Glad to know we’re on the same level! LOL!

Yes! This is me, V.V. Stomping around my fucking apartment! Frustrated as fuck over this butch! Every time we get back in touch! I’ve said it before that I’m fine with whatever we have going as it is. It’s just when she brings up conversations like that.

Is this just her? Or are you butches like this?!?! Have you any idea how frustrating it is?!?!

If she’d just tell me what the hell is going on her through her head. We could discuss it and see what kind of compromise we come up with. If she’s so frustrated with me and I with her. Shouldn’t this issue get squashed? Maybe, I make things too easy for her and that throws her off? I don’t have judgment or assumptions from what everybody has told me. I don’t ask anything from her. Just for us to go out and have good times when ever our schedules allow it.

Thank gawd for blogging. I couldn’t possibly let her know how much she fucks my damn world! I wanna be single and she pops in and out of my mind and body with this talk! Makes me feel like a fucking fool.

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