I really am starting to slack around here. *hmpf*
Getting a new apartment together. Working odd hours and trying to fit a social life in between…sorry but….writing gets shoved on the back burner. With everyone going bonkers about the holidays I’m a bit confused. I think I’m off work during Christmas. Even if I am? I’m not sure how I want to spend it. I’m back in touch with both of my parents. Fortunately, they both live close by each other. Yet, at either house I think I may feel like an outsider. At Mom’s house, I haven’t been over there to celebrate Christmas in a few years because I was with Ex Hubby and Mom didn’t like her. Ex Hubby didn’t like Mom..and I didn’t like either one of them not liking the other and hearing about it after every visit.
Do I believe that Ex Hubby was a decent enough butch to have some respect from Mom? Of course! That’s why I went without talking to Mom. With my absence it would be safe to assume that Mom and my siblings have their own way they’ve been doing things. So, I’m an outsider. I already feel sort of odd when I visit in general.
Dad’s house, though I love and adore my step-family…it’s still a bit weird. I’m not sure how to put it. There’s some members missing? Which puts Dad and I in a bit of a funk.
Well, to be frank, I don’t wanna be in a funk this year for the holidays! I don’t want to feel like I need to go somewhere or anywhere. Call it self fish.
See the little girl kicking and screaming?!?!
But, damn it I gave up a shit load of me in a marriage that revolved around my ex’s schedule and her family. I’m kinda done feeling obligated simply because it’s the season.
Dad and my Step-mom have had a couple of rough years. My dad is about to undergo some tests to determine if he needs surgery for his heart. Step-Mom is almost done with treatments. So, there is a strong desire to go over there, for sure! A couple of years back, I didn’t want to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. While I was out shopping for a new pair of boots. I got a call from my Step-Mom about Dad having a heart attack. Changed my mind real quick. There in lies my fear of skipping any major holidays with either parents. They’re getting older..
There’s my holiday bitch fit. I know, it all seems so self fish. I’m gunna go to both houses. I’ve discussed this with several people. I will share both houses on Christmas Day and do my own thing for Christmas Eve. If I’m not working, of course. I can’t skip the entire holiday with my family. It always leaves me feeling at odds with myself. I’ve missed something or I’ll eventually get depressed. Some stupid shit like that. LOL!