I had intended to type out the second part to “At Hys Will.” Wouldn’t ya know it? My mind goes elsewhere! You’d think it’d go someplace more erotic, exotic and exciting. But, nooooo!!! I have it written!! Just need to type it out! 😉
Every once in awhile my brain goes all emotional and shit!! 😛 Stupid PMDD!!
I’m a single, femme, lesbian running the streets of Houston…again. As I like it. 😉 A single, femme, lesbian who is being extra, super dupa more careful about the things she wants in another girlfriend/boifriend.
I swear, sometimes I wanna claw my eyes and ears out at all the ridiculous bullshit that comes out of bois mouths!
“You just have to find the right butch.” Men use the same line to a lesbian. Oooooh!! So, lemme guess! Could the right butch possibly be you? HA!
<bang head here until rendered unconscious>
I have three bois that I talk to on a regular basis. I’m regularly trying to decipher these relationships as friends or lovers:
Stone, is a sweet, caring, GQ’d up stone butch. YUM!! A femme pillow princess’s dream boat, right!?!?!?!
Stone, is also a single parent of one young child and is not local. Given my reputation that should be a good thing, right? Wrong!!! I’m not one to base a relationship on extended stays at the Holiday Inn!! I wanna know how we would interact with each other on every day or every other day basis. Did you just clean the house up for me? Or are you really a neat freak?? If you truly are a neat freak? I have a horrible habit of leaving my clothes on the bathroom floor. My one quirk in tidiness!!
There is the age issue. Which will always arise in my dating experiences. As I only date older. My dating age group is getting more grey and crow’s feet the more I look around. Yum again!! 😉 We’re great friends who help each other out with femme/butch signals or communication. Basically, she knows how a butch thinks. I know how femmes think. We exchange stories. She tells me about her son and I go on to think about the fun times I used to have with my step son. And how similar the two are when my step son was her kid’s age. Kids are kids. All the way down to Spiderman being their favorite super hero!! LOL!
Son. Kid. Not local. These are my flags. Not her or her personality. And certainly not because she is stone. Ugh! Just…not the life I wanna go into again. Nor the sacrifices I wanna make again. I just got this job back!! And that was a blessing!
Tell me it’s just a job. Blah! Blah! Once upon a time, I’d open my ears to that sort of talk. I did open my ears to that talk! NOT THIS TIME! It’s not fear! It’s not being scared of another failed relationship! It’s me wanting to keep my head on straight over my heart or emotions! As they are typically irrational!
My gawd…she’s sooo handsome!! This is where anonymity sucks ass!! I’d soooo share her super, sexy, handsome face all over here!! LOL!! Ya think I could persuade her into my posting a pic up here? Could get her some dates, right?!?!?
We all know about Daddi. I was collared by her…but LDR life outside of the collar was way too clingy for my liking. We click really well. Laughing the entire time on the phone at our sick and twisted little minds. We’re able to talk out our misunderstandings. She’s not exactly my type. I need or want BUTCH!! She’s a bit too androgynous…
We laugh…a lot!! Had plans to move her here and she’d be my house butch. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed that thought for awhile. A boi taking care of me in the ways I really do need them to! I don’t need their money, house and car. I know I can’t be the good little wife at home. Perhaps, a little role reversal was, in fact, appealing. And the phone sex was so intense. Seriously! We could feel what we were doing each other with out having to say so.
I kept playing it out in my head. Coming home to a clean place, laundry done and dinner with a cold beer on the table. Social, hilarious nights off among friends! Sounds perfect! 😀 Then she got a little too clingy. Here, I’ll admit that I got scared. Really fucking scared! Like, I will not have any alone time and be an individual scared. Might not have been the route she was going…but that was the fear I was feeling.
No thanks. I’m an adult. I’m too independent to have anyone askin’ all the time, “Where you going? Who you going with?” and “Can I text/call you while you’re out?”
Nope. Leaving the phone in the car…
Yea. Had to be a bitch and tear off my collar. Swipe away the LDR. Let’s face it. Who didn’t see it coming with my little encounter with Boss from Open Relationships May Be The Way To Go?
Ugh! And there she is…Boss. Kick back, chilled out, beer drinkin’, football lovin’, clean cut, but naughty, Boss. Single, local and kid free. We just kinda go with the flow. That works for me right now. Chill, have a few beers and crash. We just have good times.
Did I mention that she’s butch too?!?!? I’m weak!!! WEAK!!!! For the clean cut bois! But, y’all know my feelings about that one from Blame It On The Juice.
I was talking to another sexy butch we’ll call Cowboi. Didn’t last long when I let her go with her heart. So, I wont even go there with her. She wants me to express my emotions more with her. Let out my soft side. I can’t really do that if one comes off so cocky. And like a player. Well…she kinda comes off that way. That behavior makes me believe that you’re gunna be a great fuck…but not much else. Needless to say, when she mentioned blowing me off for someone else. Understandably so. I hardened up real quick. A bit thankful for that wake up call. I was getting too happy when she called and guards were starting to let down. But, we’re still friends…So, let’s just keep her in mind, shall we? 😉
I’m not ready for a relationship by any means. However, the bois I’m talking to have great potential with a few snags in their harness. Distance being a major issue. I’m not moving! And I’m not gunna do anything to “prove” my love or feelings for another possibility again. Fuck that mess!
I’m dating. Like most lesbians should really try doing!! Rather than hookin’ up with the first woman who shows interest! I don’t care what signs are in the sky that might be a sign that we’re meant to be. I’m not falling for it. I don’t care if a boi’s spit is making my head spin and my heart pound! I’ll hold my head in place and beat my chest before falling for another boi again.
I know what I want and don’t want. I know what I don’t want to give up. I know that there shouldn’t be so much work involved in a relationship and things should be able to fall together and sorted out when you’re truly meant to be together. That a boi will love my ciggy smoking, football screaming, beer swinging, dirty dancing ass in all it’s glory! She’ll be confident knowing that I’m a flirt because I’m a woman and we love getting attention. Should be pleased that I’m the one screaming her name when she fucks me.
There’s my little dating dilemma or rant. Am I alone?? Is it really this frustrating??
These bois that think I’m so scared of a relationship. Let me clue in to the things I’m scared of! I’m scared of my own emotions. That’s why I’m being so careful about what I can and can’t handle. I can’t handle having to censor myself or watch every step I make for little eyes. I like cussing, drinking beers with bois and walking around the house naked. You ask me to hide these things…I feel like I’m a bad person or not good enough. I avoid smoking around kids. I don’t cuss around children out of courtesy. It’s not how I want to have to live at home.
Ok. Seriously. Done venting! What’s a girl to do!?!?!? 😉