I’ve been told by a few close butch friends of mine that I ‘m sending out mixed signals with my blogs. When I think I’m coming out crystal clear…people are always gunna read what they want, anyway. At any rate, the friends that talk to me a fairly regular basis know that I have a heart and a soft side. The issue, is that I don’t want to share those parts of me unless I trust you.
Major problem: I don’t trust anyone.
Open Relationships May be the Way to Go wound up getting so horribly misconstrued that I’ve been put into a box of some kind. I’ll take the blame for it. I let the comments go on. It was interesting to me hearing everyone’s different perspectives. I was away from my computer for a great deal of those discussions and wasn’t able to respond.
With that blog and the confusion from butches everywhere. I think, it’s time I lay it out what I’m looking for in a girl/boifriend without the desire to actually look for a girl/boifriend at this point in my life.
I’ve always said that your partner should be your Lover, parent, and best friend. Lover, for the physical connection and chemistry you have for another. The deep, wild passion that makes you irresistible to each other! Parent, because you care for each other in the sense like a mother or father cares for their young. Ex-Hubby and I, even had this one down to a formation when approached by a stranger in the parking lot. She spoke to the stranger. I stood a bit behind her. There wasn’t any set plan to our doing this. It was completely natural for us.
It almost gets tricky around the parent part of my three relationship prerequisites! Perhaps, it’s the type of butches I tend to fall for. The dominant, controled, and disciplined bois. With the hard, tough, fuck you, “I got this,” strut. Hey! We all have a type. This type tends to parent me a little more than I care to be fathered. I have a Mom and a Dad. They did what they could when they could. With what they knew. I’m almost thirty years old…there’s no teaching me to do things your way. Or the way you’d like me to do them. Call it stubborn, if you must. Or simply agree that I’m my own fucking adult! 😉
I’ve survived almost thirty years of people, money, cars, apartments. Not to sound like a know it all. But, there’s not much that surprises me. I handle my own shit in my own damn time. You rush me…I’ll put it off. You tell me I shouldn’t do something. You bet your sweet ass I’ll do it just to piss you off or show you that I can do whatever the fuck I want!
Best friend, we should be able to talk to each other about anything. Ex-Hubby and I lost that gift from the get go. She had another option sitting on the sidelines like I was nothing special. From then on…I should’ve known…I did know. And that’s where my trust in her loyalty to me went out the window. Sending our relationship into a constant hellacious downward spiral. I lost my best friend that I had become so comfortable with before sex and girlfriend titles. Ugh!
There are my requirements. Given the experience of a settled down life. It’s not for me. A friend of mine had said that they know I want to settle down..just not yet. That I’m still healing and figuring things out.
I’m not healing. Thanks for the observation. I’ve said it a million times…the relationship was over before we broke up.
With that being said, I don’t want to settle down. I want a butch to go wild with me. Even that has been misunderstood!! As in, I want a butch to fuck around with me?? Not sure how avoiding domesticity is code for fucking around.
Uh…not the case for me, at all! I want a girl/boifriend eventually. Mongamously. Just not right now. Open Relationships May Be the Way To Go, was mostly in reference to the difficulties in a long distance relationship. If you can’t see each other for so many weeks or months at a time? One should expect the other to “slip” off the faithful wagon, at some point. We’re human.
I don’t want a settled life of domestic bliss. I want traveling, hanging out with friends. A butch that can stay chill and social in just about any setting. A butch that realizes I have some fucked up friends. But, I love and care for them. A boi that doesn’t fucking lie to me! That will not make me wonder what the fuck she’s thinking and just say whatever is on her mind! A butch that can hold her own ground and simply appreciates it when I stomp on the same grass.
Underneath all the crazy, we have our moments of relaxation. Walking around topless or nude and chillin’ over coffee or tea in the backyard. Reflecting on the happenings of our fun-filled weekend.
I’m a firm believer in “You work hard. You play hard.” I need a boi that follows this motto with me. When we’re not working…we need to let loose.