While everyone else is getting wasted and enjoying their BBQ. I was doing yard work with my dad trying to subside the sadness that comes with breaking up with a child.
Today was my step son’s 12th birthday. He’s growing up so fast. Quickly, becoming a teenager. I met him when he 7yrs old. I’ve watched him grow until…his mom and I broke up.
I’m taking a vow not to date another woman/butch with a child. Therefore, I know I’m practically fucked in ever getting into a serious relationship again. Or even dating. LOL! We’re women. The age group I try to date in usually has come out of the closet after being married to a man and bearing children.
Maybe, I’m setting myself for detachment. But, that’s another blog.
I’ve told the story about this little boy asking me a million questions every morning when I wake up before I’ve had my coffee. LOL! I don’t know how many times to who knows how many people. When I explained to him that he can ask me anything he wants after, at least, one cup of coffee. He would patiently wait for me to finish. That makes me laugh right now. Almost tearing up. One day, he actually came up to me and asked me to let him know when I’d finish my first coffee. I looked at him with a devilish smile. He got it. LOL! Like, I’m gunna tell you when I’m done with this first cup! So, you can drill a million crazy questions on me! LMAO!!
“I’ll come back later.” He replied with a silly smile and a roll of his eyes.
Little things like this. I can’t possibly deal with loosing again. He was my boy. Ultimately hers. But, I was with him all day everyday. LOL! Patiently, waiting for his mom to get home from work. Checking my calendar to figure out how much longer until she’s off for a week.
She never got to hear these things. I’m not sure she ever realized how much we missed her throughout our everyday.
Yes. I’m crying…shut up. And no I’m not drunk! Just finished yard work, remember?
I’ve celebrated four birthdays with this kiddo and I’m going to be missing those life altering ones now. Watching him grow every year into this handsome, sweet, affectionate little man.
My stepmother had sang me “happy birthday” the morning of mine. And now, I’m sad that I didn’t get to do that with who used to be my little boy this morning. I’d wake him singing “happy birthday” and he’d rise with this really goofy, sleepy smile. Then open his arms out for a big hug.
So, happy 4th of July to everyone. Maybe, next year mine will be a little more perky. This is quite a process. Loosing your partner and a child you loved like you would your own. I hope he had a wonderful birthday. I’m giving a huge hug to him in my mind. And that sleepy smile is just precious to me…