BUTCH: Femmes Know


I will write this to the best of my knowledge about BUTCH. For, I have loved and admired this gender since I was a young girl. I have been hopelessly drawn to butch women for as long as I can remember. Observed them and heard them. Touched them and experienced their love. Their convictions and their passion. Their strength and their vulnerabilities. They truly are a sexy force to be reckoned with.

Butch is neither male or female. There is no “man’s role” to the butch. They are simply, butch. She has not been told how to behave a certain way like little boys are when they’re young. No parent ever says, “Oh well! She’s just being a butch.” The way parents do when ‘boys will be boys.’

Their direction for behavior and manners were taught the same as any little girl. Sit with your legs crossed, keep your hair long it makes you look pretty, you should wear dresses. Don’t pick out that sweatshirt, it’s from the boys section. Those are boys clothes. Whether we want to admit that these social rules have an effect on us or not..they’re there. In our psyche. And no other gender knows the frustrations of these rules like butch.

She’s not trying to be a man! Not trying to act like the man! She is her own. Entirely. A completely different gender. A close friend of mine had said it best when she said that they’re like angels.

Most butches I know and have spoken to actually lived in the closet for a great portion of their childhood into adulthood. I know more butches who have experienced child birth and motherhood than I do femmes. And they wanted to do it! Well, that’s not very “manly” is it? 😉

Where most of us in the community have only fought one battle. Admitting to ourselves and others that we are a lesbian. They fought two. As did FTM and MTF. But, I’m only focusing on BUTCH as far as genders are concerned. They had to fight with their parents about wanting to learn how to fix a car. Or help build things around the house. Fix things. Trying on their fathers’ ties and button downs in secret. Where as any other little girl could walk into their mother’s closet, pull out a pair of her shoes and an over sized dress, and show it off. A butch had to keep her dress up preferences in secret.

It frustrates the tar out of me when one says that a butch is trying to be a man. Or even a butch saying that she is playing the “man’s role.” Especially, when a self proclaimed butch agrees to that retched and outdated male hetero driven stereotype! Butch has the role of butch. One who has repeatedly heard the complaints from women personally because she is still a woman. Because she is still a woman she knows how to respect a woman. That is where her chivalry is derived from. For men it is taught.

Butch has observed, listened and respected women.

Nobody else could possibly understand these bits and pieces. Except the femmes who love them. Femmes know. Femmes love. That is their secret communication. Butch is aware of femme’s struggles and appreciates her for them. Femme feels the same towards her butch. And they know this from a glance across a room. An exchange in a simple touch. It’s an energy that can’t be explained and really only experienced. Femme knows it. And Butch knows.

The effects of a butch cutting their hair short has been played out, indeed. However, one can’t deny that there is another sense of freedom behind this act. A sense of recognition. Not only from other women. But, recognition of herself for the first time. She is seeing herself how she has always wanted to in the mirror. Like a femme stands in the mirror longing to see herself as beautiful or thinner and healthier. A butch has begged her parents to get her cut and was consistently told “NO!” Because you’re a girl and you’ll look like a boy. Butch is a female, but in NO way a girl. She is not pretty or beautiful. She is cute or handsome and definitely sexy. As long as she can deal with everything that comes with this gender.

The stares, the arguments from the opposite sex..fuck it! Even from straight women! Blatant disrespect of Butch in front of Femme. Defending her rightful place in the women’s restroom. Oddities in buying feminine products while her exterior is clearly not feminine! Straight women behaving like Butch is some perverted predator or fucking up their “straight” status by even looking her way. Seriously? Are you that insecure with yourself?

Clothes don’t make the butch. Tattoos and piercings don’t make the butch. Shit, even wearing a strappy doesn’t make one a butch. I’m femme and can work one of those babies! 😉

As a femme…I prefer to be the sub to her dom. Princess to her Prince. The Bitch to her Butch…in bed alone LOL! Don’t misinterpret that last one! 😉

5 thoughts on “BUTCH: Femmes Know

  1. Pingback: Who is Ex- Hubby? | Vulnerable Verbiage

  2. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Lol…ya. Love this post, VV girl! It definitely speaks truths about our Butches. Love this. Love them. Just is xo (Thanks Mainely!)


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