Does This Make Me Look FAT??

Think back to jr. high. Remember gym class. Standing in the hall of lockers. Surrounded by other girls who are all looking at each other. Wondering…”does she see my FAT legs?” Or whatever other personal flaw you might think of.

My sister used to BEG me to go shopping with her. She is tall, tanned (Italian genetic make-up), the fattest she‘s ever been was a 16. Because she’s so friggin’ tall…she still looked HOT!! Arrrg!!!! Ugh..and everyone I ever dated thought so too! 😛

I am 5’3″ and a size 17/18. Short & fluffy! LOL! According to the general public I am obese, weighing 204lbs. I argue this because I can actually find a remote in my bed. It is not stuck between layers of fat and potato chips. I do IN FACT carry it well. I have a fabulous hourglass figure. Think of the old school pin up girls!! I can run if I need to. Even though I smoke! I drink a ton of water throughout the day. That’s pretty much ALL I drink. I can subconsciously walk about 2 miles. By this I mean, walking around a water park, a festival or some other event where you have several attractions to get to.

Knowing all of those GOOD qualities about my current health and physical abilities. I, like most women, have body issues! I’ve always hated my fat thighs. Wont wear shorts because of them! I hate my legs!! The hairs are thick. I have to wear a skirt or dress THE DAY I shave for fear of pricklies the next day. Can’t shave then because I get bad razor burn. Can’t use one of those million blade razors or else I get a bad case of ingrown hairs! Grrrr!! The hair issue is just one of my problems with my legs. All my weight is in my hips and legs!!! What part of my genetic make-up gave me these friggin’ legs?? My dad is short and has little chicken legs? My mother is beautifully tall with amazing legs? Umm…wtf? I don’t see anyone else in my family with my body type??

Again, I know that I generally look really cute! I just have my days..

I have experienced the confidence of being a size 10! In my early 20’s I was working out almost everyday! Jogging about 4 miles, 100 sit-ups and maybe 40-50 push-ups. I was starting to wear shorts with confidence!

It’s so funny that everyone I know who IS a size 10 is dying to be a 6. I’d give anything to get that motivation to work (UGH!) at being a 10 again! LOL

The point I’m trying to get to is this. Did we ever stop and wonder how our body insecurities could be affecting our partner?

When my sister and friends have asked/said to me, “Does this make ME look fat?” or “Ugh! I’m soooo fat, V.V.! Nothing looks good on me.”

I have retaliated with, “If you’re size 9 ass is fat. Then I must be MORBIDLY OBESE!!!”

We girlies KNOW that when another girlie thinks of themselves as fat/ugly. We automatically wonder what they must think of us?

Is it possible that our girlfriend or partner thinks the same way we do? My partner is butch and I just never figured she thought that way. I figured this was just a girlie issue. LOL! Because we’re usually the ones sooo obsessed with body image. Not to say that our butchies aren’t at all…I just thought it was on a different level. Probably wrong of me to assume, that. I know that as a femme I don’t see her in the same light as I do with other femme-like women. I don’t know why that is…weird. :/

I don’t think it would matter if I were with a femme or butch. I just don’t think this way when it comes to my significant other, in general. Probably, because I see them entirely different than how I look at myself. I’m not looking for/at any of her physical flaws. I think she’s the hottest mofo around!! 😉

I know, I really need to quit whining about not having that size 10 jeans and DO SOMETHING! Trying to find a motivation tool!! I’ll find one thing that keeps me going and then I loose it whether I pace myself or not. *hmpf* LOL!! Ok, not funny…ha!

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