Separation of Parent & ADULT Child

i know that as a step-parent i may never really empathize with a  biological parent the complexity that is “you’ll always be my baby”  here’s what’s sad y’all. we are not always gunna be a baby!

the  animal kingdom has got it right. once, them babies can fly, walk, or  crawl…they can leave the nest. it’s every animal or bug for itself. i  know this sounds soo damn heartless. let me finish.

don’t  tell me that none of y’all experience your parents still talking to you  like  some damn child when you’ve done something wrong (in their eyes)  as an adult.

uggh! i don’t know how to censor myself  LOL! i’ve blogged before about my myspace page being exactly as the  social networking site says “my space.”

not too long  ago i had set my facebook status as “i ain’t got no fuckn  VAGINA! it’s a muthafuckn  CUNT!! love the cunt!!” it sure did  ruffle some parental feathers.

i get my usual weekly  phone call. starts with the routine “hello.” “how are you?” etc. then  outta nowhere like a friggin’ bomb. this caller is disappointed with me  and that post. afraid that other family members will see that. Ok. let’s  check through my friends’ list. I have family members who i actually  interact with at family functions who may have read that post and  comments! obviously, that doesn’t bother me. if you’ve befriended me on  here…what you see is what you get. read at your own risk. you’ve  stepped into my world. my mind. my thoughts. if ya didn’t wanna know  these things…ya should’ve kept your own safe distance.

my  defense was as simple as my original reason for posting that status.  it’s a feminist statement. it wasn’t meant to be perverted at all. when i  tried to bring that to light. this parents’ immediate reply was “well, i  wouldn’t want anything to do with THOSE people.”

i simply advised  that, “that would never happen anyway. you’re a very old fashioned  person. a chauvinist to the core. i would NEVER expect you to be a part  of that sort of thing, nor understand whatever i say.”

well..then  it’s an attack to my being a lesbian. ok. though, it may be a popular  belief that the feminist movement and lesbian movement are the same.  it’s not so true. that’s their ignorance. and this parents’ ignorance to  even go there.

my being a lesbian is just a label for  my sexual attraction for the same gender. just as heterosexual is merely  a label for being sexually attracted to the opposite gender. NOTHING to  do with my own personal opinions. or political views. religion. and so  on, and so on. my perspective and sexual orientation are not related!  that’s ignorant.

after much arguing and trading  opinions the truth eventually comes out. what i say or do is a direct  reflection on this parent. even at 27 years old…what i do affects how  others may see you as a parent. because…this parent raised me?

Hmm…let’s  reflect into my past for a moment. my parents divorced when i was maybe  9 or 10 years old. around there. one of these parents gained custody of  me while the other only got visitation rights for every other weekend.

Sidetrack:  i’m a step-parent who is helping my partner raise a decent &  responsible young man. he sees his father every weekend. we do a lot of  the work involved in RAISING a child. every day in and outs, everyday  correcting bad behaviors, manners, cleanliness, etc.

As  an adult. i look back at the reality of every OTHER weekend and raising  a child. i’d say the parent that got full custody did the raising and  therefor, has a ground to stand on with that paranoid argument if they  should choose to. furthermore, if i include the years that i went  without talking to this parent in particular. that’s a huge chunk of not  raising me, either. sooo….how is that this parent that  has this  knowledge of time gaps and raising me could possibly think that what i  say or do is a direct reflection on their parenting?

i’m  not blaming one parent over the other for my obscene facebook status.  or anything else i say or do. that’s not it at all. i’m simply saying  that for one…this parent bring this argument forth holds no ground.  because sadly, to their misfortune…they didn’t raise me. and the other  parent…well…i think they realize that i’m an adult.

i’m  merely stating that all parents wether they in fact raised the child or  not. need to realize that at a certain age you can’t hold yourself  accountable for your ADULT child’s decisions in life. if that is an  issue you have chosen to take on…seek therapy. if you have family  members that believe your ADULT child’s behavior is reflection on  you..they need therapy.

i’m 27 years old. i have  worked, had my own apartment, had the ability to remove toxic people  from my life, and toxins from my life. i’ve now gained my own family and  taken on the responsibility of becoming a parent myself. it is my  personal belief that i have done plenty to prove myself as a responsible  adult. expressive..yes. but, i didn’t gain the “Bitch” title in the  family for nothing. as my parent….who raised me. who has known me for  so many years….you’d know that i don’t back down from what i feel is  right to say or do!

one day..i will have to endure that  painful break between parent and ADULT child. i’m sure it’ll suck and  i’ll hate it. hubby and i both will probably hate it. at the same  time…i think i will be quite proud of my step-son for standing up to  me or anyone in a mature and rational manner.

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