I Pray for your Calloused Hearts

I’m learning to be transparent and be more in tune or mindful of my emotions. Learning to express my emotions and still thinking about how I express these emotions may affect others. Or, how expressing my thoughts may affect others. Whew! Yes…it IS a process!

All I can say right now. Without causing more drama is….I pray for you. Every one of you. I pray that God holds y’all tight enough one day and you feel the amazing love ONLY He can provide. I pray that one day you’ll understand.

I pray that one day your calloused hearts melt and you embrace all the emotions that you have tucked away deep inside yourself. It’ll hurt. ALL those emotions presenting themselves. All the guilt, the shame. I pray that you feel these things and also feel God’s mercy and forgiveness. As well as welcoming my forgiveness and whoever y’all may have hurt in your path. I pray for y’all to have strength for whatever path God has in store for you.

I pray He still has plans for you.

I pray for the child that is in your life. I pray that God keeps her warm while your cold grip tries to bind her. I pray that she will never know the pain of putting herself aside for your approval. I pray that she feels God and he gives her strength.

I beg for God to forgive y’all. Forgive the ignorance that is being human.

All I can do is pray. EVERYTHING is in His hands. I’ve walked into your home with God as my shield. God SPEAKING FOR ME to you. I’ve been patient. As understanding as I can possibly be without giving up my own ground.

I pray for my own patience waiting on His time. Oooh that’s a toughie. I pray that even though we are all apart…y’all know I still love you all. I wont lie to you or nod and smile at every faulty behavior. I know your souls are black and your hearts are stone. God, I pray that you crack those stones! You’ve held back waters! Caused floods! Cured the sick! Provided food for those starving. Given the ultimate sacrifice. I have been begging. This is my miracle I am asking for.

I pray that one day this cowardly behavior will cease. I pray that you can put your own pride and selfishness aside for the sake of love. I know…it’s tough while we live in a world filled with self-indulgence. DARE to be different.

I do a lot of praying for y’all. And, oddly enough…a LOT of praying for me. The ability to put the emotional and mental damage behind me and be thankful and grateful and acceptance for the family God has blessed me with now. I know y’all don’t get it. You think I’ve abandoned you for my life. Or have been brainwashed. I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s something you wont let yourself experience. So, you’ll never understand.

I pray that one day you’ll know what it feels like to REALLY be loved by another human being as your partner. Not friend or family member or child. As your partner, who is like THE ultimate best friend, your confidant.

I haven’t abandoned anyone. I have become an adult. An adult that has her own family that I chose. A family that can’t just cut me whenever things get bad. That’s a strange comfort I am REALLY not used to.

I have made several attempts to remain a part of your lives while still carrying on with mine the way I want & need my life to go. I’m an adult. There is not one thing I haven’t done that I wanted to do given the circumstances that fall at my feet. I pray for you to accept these things. You don’t have to like my family, but you do HAVE to respect it. You do HAVE to respect my partner in life. To disrespect her you ARE disrespecting me and I wont have that.

I was listening to a sermon the other night on those who are critical. Turns out those people who judge everyone are THE saddest and most angry people. I pray y’all find happiness. I really do.

I mourn the loss of the familiarity….it’s a process.

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