V.V., The Mom..

 

Know that I love butches very dearly. Know that I am merely layin’ some things down with that love. Like a mother yelling down the hallway for you to make your bed before leaving for school.

Butch Please!!

Please, think about your health. Working out is incredibly sexy! Along with all the other amazing sweaty things you bois do with your time. Working out is HOT! We’re ready to sneak ya off to the locker room for some post gym muscle relaxation! 😉 And it’s GOOD FOR YOU!! Eating better and working out help build that sexy swagger also known as confidence!!

You feeling awesome is noticed by many.

Go shopping! Find that one awesome femme friend and tell her you want to update your wardrobe! I guarantee she’s been dying to hear those words out of your mouth. She might have even hinted at taking you shopping a time or two. Find your gay buddy and shop! No. You don’t have to hit the department stores! There are ways to shop around the overpriced! 😉

All I’m sayin’ is, if you don’t live in the country? Ain’t bailin’ hay? Roundin’ up cattle? Then ya best be struttin’ in your damn Sunday clothes everyday you’re out. At home? Sure. Roam around in boxers topless/sports bra or naked. If your jeans have a few holes in them? Be conscious as to where the opening is? The below is almost always acceptable!

Of course, time and place. Do I need to get into that? I’ll wait and find out. I’m sure I’ll get enough from this post alone! 😮

Taking care of yourself does not make you less butch. It does not feminize you. You’re always complaining about being single? Well, give the ladies a little bait.

It takes 5 seconds to make a first impression. And you’ve got to admit that you’re fucking human! We all make first impressions. We all suffer the flaw judgment. Short lived fault, possibly. However, it exist. To deny it is to deny your mind the ability to have instinct. That is what first impressions are. It is a form of our carnal instinct.

Let’s take into consideration that the femme you want. The femmes you drool over late at night. They’re typically gussied up. Typically showered, shaved, in their best outfit, make up and hair done!

Have you any fucking idea how much effort is put into our fucking everyday?

Yes. Update your fucking closets, consult with your barber. If not a barber? Scope out some salons where you feel comfortable. If they give you crap about keeping your hair short. Fucking leave. Just leave. They’re not gonna get your style, Hon. If you have a Gayborhood? Stick around those salons. They usually know better.

It is very butch to take care of your fucking nails and toes! You don’t need to paint them. But, for the love of all that is sanitary!! Personally, I prefer clean fingers in my hooha! 😉 Again, might be wise to stick around your Gayborhood for this. I go to the TGF and nail salon on Montrose all the time! The lady doing my nails knows to keep ’em short. No questions asked. It’s great. She doesn’t ask about boyfriends or why I don’t have one. It’s refreshing. My hairstylist and I have fabulous conversations without the hetero assumption.

“You’re 30 why aren’t you married with kids.” Is the ever tiresome diatribe.

Grooming is incredibly butch. Cities are booming. There are hardly any farmlands anywhere anymore. So, sorry bois. Joining me for a coffee date might require a little effort. A decent pair of jeans, a comfortable button down and some clean, casual boots wont hurt you.

Stop getting so fucking inebriated! Stop inviting us to bars. Stop making time out with all your friends our first date!!

Do make it clear that we are on a date! Do light touches here and there. Don’t be all over us! Let us know you want us more than friends but not your whore. On the first couple of dates, anyway. Don’t expect to get laid! Don’t ask to get laid!

I don’t care your excuse. Sick, chapped lips or whatever. If ya wanna kiss the femme fucking do it! If you’re not feeling the kiss. Don’t lead her on thinking it was your lame ass excuse and you’ll plan the next date.

Fucking talk! Share! Communicate! Create fucking index notes of key topics. Glance at notes in your phone when the femme takes a potty break if you have to. Learn each other! Learn this gorgeous woman’s cranium rather than her cunt! Discover her. Beyond the dress, make up, hair, nails, high heels.

DO NOT FUCK ON YOUR FIRST DATE!

Just don’t. I know. I’m one that has had a one night stand. While, I’m searching for love again? One night stands, FWB’s, fun fuckery are not on my mind. My pussy doesn’t even tingle for it. You know I’m serious about finding the one when I don’t want to jump your bones immediately. Fucked up. I know. Unless, a fun fuck is all you’re looking for? Don’t fuck on the first date. Give the relationship time, dammit! Sex complicates. Lust confuses forcing us to fall into relationships we didn’t want. Holding onto that relationship because the sex is so good? Keep trying, but complaining to friends?

When the relationship. The foundation is solid? The sex is mind-blowing!

Try new things! Expand your mind, bois! It’s amazing! There are so many stubborn butches out there stuck in their way. “I’ve never liked fish. I wont ever like fish. So, don’t ever cook fish.”

“I don’t like camping. Never have liked camping.”

Part of the joys of relationships. Two people coming together is sharing your different worlds. The femme your dating might love camping. You like being with her. Fucking try camping. She might be an amazing cook for another attempt at fish. Try new things! Outside the bedroom, pervs! I was married to a certified mechanic. While I thought I zoned out on a lot of things she tried to teach me. Or I thought I was just keeping her company in the garage. I actually picked up a few things. It might help that I do enjoy cars, I don’t mind getting dirty and I love the smell of oil and gasoline. Lol!

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

I know this one is a bit hypercritical of me to put in here. However, it is crucial while dating. The femme you’re dating now did not do those things to you. The femme you’re looking for is not responsible for the pain your exes caused. You shouldn’t woo her with your sob story. You shouldn’t bring past relationship insecurities with a new femme. You don’t know what’s OK with her, yet. You don’t know her likes and dislikes, yet. Her boundaries.

Discover her. Learn her. Build a foundation. A relationship beyond the heels, make up, hair, skirts, dresses and stockings. Learn her.

Take a hint, Butch. The femme you asked out to dinner, lunch, coffee agreed. She wants you, Baby. It’s not exactly Rocket Science. Yes. We can be a complex species. But, that’s a pretty clear sign.

Yes. You pay. I don’t give a fuck who asked who out. Butch pays! The first couple of dates or so. It’s not necessarily a requirement. Femmes like paying too. Ya damn well better make a serious attempt to pay.

“I asked you out on a date. I pay.” Was a nice one I’ve heard a time or two from a butch. Making it clear we’re on a date. Also, the take charge attitude I’m personally drawn to.

I’m not saying the dating parts of this post are for everyone. These are basics. General.

Back to my Butch Briefing. 😉

Clean you fucking car! The outside is one thing. Fine. Doesn’t have to be done all the time. The inside? How can people drive to work with all that shit in their car? Fuck! How can you even see?? The Doctor I dated had gunk in the center console, piles of papers on her dashboard and who knows what else in the rear. Needless to say I never wore light colored clothing on our dates.

I really am feeling like a mother hen, here. Lol! My butch friends have yet to disagree with my rants over the phone.

Clean your fucking house! Seriously? Again, this was a doctor!! I came over for our date and there were tampon applicators all over the living room. USED! Her dog has some serious anxiety issues and tends to pull everything out of the bathroom trashcan. From last night. Knowing your date was coming over the next night..Fucking Gross!

Ok. I’m dealing with lesbians here. We love our furbabies. They’re our bestest friends. They’re our children.

Would you let your fucking children watch you fuck?!?!?!

Put the dog/cat outside, in their crate, close the fucking door, something! I like a little exhibitionism but no. A cold wet nose when a good O is building dries me right up. If your pet can’t handle that shit? I suggest you look into training. You can argue this with me until you’re blue in the face.

Just no!